When Elle Chase reached out to me to review her new book, Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life, I literally did a happy dance in my living room. I’ve been anticipating this book ever since I heard about it because, if you haven’t heard, I’m pretty curvy – like get-hit-on-wearing-yoga-pants-because-my-giant-butt-curvy.
It’s fun, unless I’m clothes-shopping or at one of my bazillion doctor appointments.
These curves can get in the way of doing things I want to do, especially sexual or sensual things.
“During this time, I recognized that the negative feelings I had toward my body and my sexual desirability was a social construct thrust upon me—one that I unwittingly and subconsciously took part in. I finally understand that this construct—that fat women aren’t sexy, or a woman must wear heels and flirty dresses, she must bat her eyes and let her date determine her dateability—was a lie.”
This book is so great because Elle goes through so much – the basics of sex ed, types of lube and which are unsafe, types of sex toys and some of their uses, and which kinds of dildos are the best for us curvy girls.
And that’s just in the first few pages!
One of my favorite parts was that there were icons that shared if the positions listed were easier on the back, knees, arms, etc. This made this book incredibly accessible for me as a curvy woman because I could really see how positions might help me better. Elle also included ‘big girl move’ tips and tricks for each position to make them more accessible and much more enjoyable.
Sensuality education and communication play a huge part in sexuality. Elle does an amazing job of covering these topics. Having recently had my first fight with my husband (after NINE YEARS of being together), I think I’ll take the most away from this section personally. I’m not the best communicator, something that is exacerbated by my wanting to pretend I’m not sick or downplaying just how sick I am.
In this same chapter, Elle compares caring for our sexual selves to other things we do like eating or sleeping. We have to purposely make time for these things and be mindful of how much (or how little) of each we’re getting. Sexuality and sensuality should be no different.
All of this has to do with getting in touch with our sexual and sensual selves – something we simply don’t do well in our society. Many of us – especially those of us with marginalized identities – don’t feel it’s right to take the time to enjoy self-exploration or pleasure. The problem with that is it’s really hard to ask for what you want from partners if you don’t know what you like.
After reading about Elle’s recommendations, I started to connect more with myself. As I began to explore more about my body, I was able to communicate new things I found with my husband – who very quickly incorporated them into our together time. Quite frankly, this led to some of the most mind-blowing sex we’ve had in a while – thanks, Elle!
Elle also mentions the importance of feminist porn, something that isn’t always highlighted. Websites like YouPorn or RedTube may be quick ways to find porn, but they’re also not ethical or feminist. These sites steal porn from performers and basically don’t pay them. There is also so much on there from sites that aren’t kind in how they treat people. Elle recommends Erika Lust, Tristan Taormino, and even Tumblr for more ethical, feminist, and body positive porn.
There is so much that Elle talks about and I could just gush over this entire book. It’s so good.
Curvy Girl Sex is available on Amazon. Please check Elle’s sites out – Elle Chase, Lady Cheeky, and Smut for Smarties. These sites win awards and help so many. Her work helped convince me that sexuality education was the job for me – and now I know I can have Curvy Girl Sex, too!