TW gender dysphoria, molestation/sexual abuse mention
It’s been a while since I did an update on my pelvic floor therapy journey. The truth is that, while it’s been immensely helpful, it’s also been quite dysphoria-inducing.
I canceled a few appointments here and there. It felt like going in would do more harm than good. On top of that, I haven’t ‘come out’ as genderfluid to any of my providers. Hell, most of them assume I’m straight because I’m married to a dude. It’s hard to find providers that fit right for me and I fear losing them to bigotry by coming out.
Plus, honestly, having someone play with my vagina is… a little PTSD-inducing, too. I was molested as a child and, no matter what I did, I couldn’t erase concerned thoughts from my mind. On top of that, we don’t talk enough about our sexual parts which makes communication around this awkward.
There are a lot of factors that make this less accessible to many of us.
That said, I kept up with my home exercises and added in newer ones along the way. Things that allow me to work outside of appointments really let my ability to learn and expand on that knowledge shine.
On Monday, I got the great news that we’re done with pelvic floor therapy. It was certainly a relief to hear.
The intense spasms that led me to therapy have drastically decreased in frequency and intensity. Instead of waking up several times a week in the middle of the night at 8/10 pain, I’ve only had a handful of occasions over the last few weeks. The most recent middle-of-the-night spasm was last week. Instead of being 8/10, I was sitting at 5/10. It took less time for the pain to ease, too. The pain I’ve had testing toys and being sexy has gone down as well.
Learning more about my pelvic floor and how to strengthen it has been immensely helpful. I’ll be highlighting some of my favorite tips next week. For now, though, it’s time to celebrate!