This dumpster fire of a year is finally fucking coming to a close! Fuck, yeah! Are you as excited-slash-terrified as I am? I’m hopeful that some shit will end, but know that we’re on the verge of new terrors and adventures. I’ve prepared by playing Wolfenstein non-stop since the 23rd and seeing The Last Jedi.
Here is some of the bullshit we really need to leave in this year:
Pressure-filled questions that reinforce gender stereotypes because, no, I’m not having human children. It’s no one’s business anyway. Other things that aren’t your business? Relationship plans, career plans, household plans, etc.
Refusing to feel all your feels – including anger. Anger is a valid emotion and one we have to let ourselves feel, especially in our current sociopolitical climate.
Hijacking, comparing, giving unsolicited advice, and Cure Evangelism (and more!). Start practicing compassion. Ask people if they want advice. Stop saying your grandmother’s second cousin’s roommate had XYZ and got better doing ABC. Stop saying “I have it worse than you!” and the like. Let other people feel their feelings, vent, and more without taking over – and therefore negating – their pain.
Toxic friends and family, including staying connected with people on social media that are bigots. Just walk away. Great Aunt Margaret will have to deal with the fact that she’s transmisic at some point. Don’t encourage her behavior by continuing to stay connected.
Being a goddamn bigot. Please just fucking grow up.
Shaming those of us who utilize fidget spinners. Guess what? They’re helpful for many of us with mental and physical issues and, fuck you, shaming that is ableist.
Ableist rhetoric that paints every mentally ill person as a murderer and every disabled person as inept or in a wheelchair. Ironically, the only thing that makes me want to hurt someone else is them being a bigot – especially about this shit. Also? Disabled peeps are more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators. Learn some shit.
Racist fucking shit. We get it – you’ve got privilege. Now use it to learn about the other BILLIONS of people in the world and how they get treated.
Shaming and blaming victims. From MeToo to gaslighting women of color about their experiences, I’m not having it.
Refusing to learn on your own. Search engines exist for a reason. Learn how to vet sources.
Gendering sex toys. Like, why the fuck is a dildo a female toy? It’s not! This shit only reinforces the gender binary (which shouldn’t exist).
Telling those of us who are trans, gender non-conforming, and queer/LGBT+ that we’re sinners, evil, should die, etc. I don’t have anything more to say about that other than – if this is you – fuck you.
Treating sex workers like shit. Sex work is one of the most accessible forms of work out there. Period. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t check out porn at least once in a while, either.
Pay for your shit. Stop using sites like Pornhub that doxx sex workers and steal their videos. Start paying for your porn through places like Crash Pad. Give people tips.
Refusing to take care of ourselves. Our society is so focused on productivity that we deny things we need. Self-care is important, though, and we have to start learning how to rest. This includes getting that mole checked out, seeing a therapist, sleeping, and eating enough.
The word handicapable. [insert eye roll here] The word is disabled. Say it. Handicap comes from disabled people begging and, essentially, it’s a slur, too. Changing it so it’s less horrifying for ableds isn’t doing anyone any favors.
Supporting organizations about people run by people outside of that group. Yep, I’m looking at you, Autism $peaks.
Alienating people who are highlighting marginalization issues (e.g., commenting “All Lives Matter!”). If all lives really mattered, we wouldn’t be having these conversations – or, you know, people of color being murdered by police.
Compromising your integrity for connections and opportunities. I’ve spent a lot of time entertaining relationships with people who weren’t good for me or the people and things that matter to me… because it might lead somewhere ‘nice.’ Never again.
Assuming someone’s tone by their written words. People constantly assume I’m saying things out of anger when I’m saying them matter-of-factly or kindly. Ask about tone if you’re confused or unsure – or just want to make sure your reaction is justified anger, not misplaced.
Companies that shame bloggers, writers, sex educators, and more. Enough.
Aiming for perfection. Literally, no one and nothing is perfect. Let’s stop pretending that’s a goal and start enjoying the journey.
Refusing to set boundaries. As someone who didn’t learn them growing up, I know it’s not an easy thing to learn. Still, boundaries are important for our well-being.
Assuming someone’s gender, sexual orientation, and pronouns based on their appearance. While we’re at it, stop assuming race, ethnicity, and everything else. Start asking people questions. Communicate.
Those ‘not my president’ shirts and gear. Am I the only one who forgets how racists used that in the last decade to negate Obama’s presidency? Why are we using a term built by racism? Seriously?
Equating pussies with femme-hood. Sure, I have a vulva and a vagina, but I’m not a woman. I’m genderfluid. Gender is in your heart, not your parts. Some women have penises. Some have penises and vulvas. Get over it.
Staying quiet because you believe it’s ‘not your place’ to speak up about something. Look, if two dudes are making creepy sexual comments about someone and you don’t speak up? You’re condoning and approving their behavior. Stop doing that.
Tone-policing. You do not get to tell someone (especially those experiencing a level of marginalization you don’t know) how to respond to anything. Ever.
Pretending you’re not hurt when you are. In order to fully feel and process our feels, we have to name them. For maximum health, we have to communicate issues with people. If we start learning how to say “Wow, that comment was very ableist and hurtful” we might be able to nip this shit.
What else would you like to see left in this year?