TW for suicide, mental health struggles, abuse
With recent high-profile suicides, people are talking about being a beacon to reach out to. While I know they mean well, the reality is that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll save lives. In fact, for some of us, it feels unintentionally condescending.
This goes double if you’re posting voice numbers for suicide hotlines. Please make sure that, if you’re going to post that info, you’re including text crisis and TTY lines, too.
I’ve been mentally ill for nearly three decades now. It took me way too long to figure out the patterns in my own life. From November to April, my depression is bad. I’ll have days here and there that are great, but the bulk of it is hard. I’m sure it doesn’t help that my physical issues ramp up then, too.
When someone tells me I can reach out to them, it’s a nice gesture. However, it doesn’t address the parts of me that constantly feel like I’m a burden. It doesn’t help me actually feel comfortable reaching out, even to the closest of friends or family.
What I really need is for those beacons of permission to reach out to me, to check in on me.
That’s not easy, especially since I have phone anxiety. When any kind of anxiety and depression get together, it can make it nearly impossible to reach out. The two work together – sometimes with my PTSD – to remind me of all the things I’ve said and done that were harmful to others. This horrible trio reminds me that I have to keep quiet, that telling others what I’m going through isn’t okay.
My history of abuse and neglect – and being threatened to stay quiet – tell me I can’t speak.
I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us have been through horrible things that we can’t talk about to everyday people. No one wants to hear about the whippings, being locked in rooms, or other things.
What to do instead
If you want someone to feel comfortable speaking to you about struggling, there are so many ways of showing it.
- Reaching out on social media if you see we’re having a rough time
- Developing a close relationship
- Sending us funny stories
- Texting us silly videos
- Be accountability partners
- Check in on us
Those are just a few ideas. They won’t work for every single person.
If you want to make a difference to more people, consider helping us fight for a better mental health care system or to keep the ACA. Join us when we sign petitions or protest, putting our bodies on the line. Show up for us in more ways than just the intimately personal ones.
Because honestly? The best way to help me with my mental health is to help me fight the shit coming down the pipeline.
If your depression is worse from November until April maybe you suffer from SAD. I have two friends who have to go to a place where they are nearer the sun during that period of time or otherwise they suffer terrible depression. Some years it’s worse and years where they aren’t able to get away they have become depressed to the point of attempting to end it all by overdosing. SAD is a real illness and so many people do not understand it or don’t even know of it. I wish you luck and good health. Depression is not something to be taken lightly.
Thanks, Janelle <3 That definitely could be the case for me, and it would make a lot of sense.