I’ve gotten a number of questions to answer recently. It’s time to answer them! Keep in mind that I’m not a doctor, even if my friends jokingly call me one.

J writes,

I had an experience with my boyfriend a few days ago where he put it in but not all the way in (I am a virgin) and I liked it. I mean I want it more but my question is “is it just my body saying this things and I am rushing things?” because I have been ready physically for some time but not mentally. I need some advice, if this means I want it or it was just something from the moment.

It’s okay to not be ready mentally, but know that your body is ready. The first time I had sex was very similar, and we kept going because both of us were awful at self-control, haha. Hormones can drive us to do some pretty silly things when we’re not fully ready. I think it’s a good idea to examine why you don’t feel ready emotionally. Are there steps that you can take to help get to where you’ll be ready? What are they? Do you have access to someone like a therapist who might be able to help you with those steps?

I had a lot of fun when I did have sex with my first partner. We also got into a good amount of trouble because neither of us was really ready. I want you to know it’s okay to wait if you’re not feeling ready yet.

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M writes,

What are ways to be able to keep myself from stopping while i masturbate? I can occassionally stay in it, but most of the time when i feel i am almost there i stop because the building feeling becomes too much. And when i do let go and reach orgasm i reach it and that is pretty much it, the pleasure doesn’t continue, is that weird?

Everyone experiences pleasure differently. For a lot of people with vaginas, masturbation involving penetration can keep going as long as they want. For some of us, clitoral stimulation has to stop between orgasms. That kind of stimulation can also feel like a lot because there are a ton of nerve endings there – it’s suspected that there are more nerve endings there than in the penis! In reality, all genitalia develops the same. For those born with a penis, the clitoris extends and the vulva grows into where the testicles will sit. If we look at it that way, it’s very easy to understand why we might need a break from sexual activity or why too much stimulation on the clitoris might be overwhelming.

If you can investigate that building feeling being too much more – like, is it physically or is it something else – that may help you get to the bottom of this.

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K writes,

so what would it be called if i have romantic attraction to all genders but i only want a sexual relationship with one gender? for example what if i (a girl) would have a relationship with anyone like i would have a relationship with a girl and make out with a girl no questions asked, but i only want to have actual like sex with a man. am i just straighht?

We don’t talk about it a lot, but there are several different types of attraction:

• Aesthetic: attraction to one’s appearance – “Hey, they look really hot!”
• Alterous: attraction that’s a mix between platonic and romantic; wanting emotional closeness – “Do I want us to be friends or lovers or both?”
• Platonic: wanting a friendship with someone – “Hey, you seem really cool! Let’s be friends!”
• Romantic: wanting to have a romantic relationship with someone – “I really want to woo you!”
• Sensual: wanting to engage in more non-sexual closeness like cuddling – “Let’s cuddle with clothes on!”
• Sexual: wanting to engage in sexual acts with someone – “How YOU doing?”

For example, there are people who love being romantic but are asexual – sex isn’t particularly interesting to them. There are people who love having sex, but dislike the romantic aspect, and so would use the label aromantic. Here’s a list of attractions and orientations for more info.

It could be that you’re panromantic – where gender doesn’t really factor into who you fall for – but heterosexual.

I also want to say that there is a lot of gatekeeping in the LGBTQ+ community. Many people think that if you’re heterosexual, you shouldn’t be a part of the community regardless of your other attraction types. The problem with that is it erases the types of harm that often get thrown at people who are asexual or fall into a different attraction category than hetero for all. If panromantic feels right for you, you’re still a part of the community. If anyone tells you differently, tell them your sex educator big brother said to fuck off <3

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C writes,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we just started to have sex a couple of months ago. Before he would just touch me and lick me. The problem is he has never gotten me to cum and if I did I didn’t notice. I have been masturbating since I was 15 (am 21 now). I masturbate with a dildo and he knows I do this and is okay with it. He hates that he can’t get me to cum as hard as I can with my toys though. I don’t understand why I can’t either. I don’t think it is a lube problem because usually after sex I will use my dildo to cum and I have no problems. I have noticed though that sex doesn’t feel as great with him as my toys. Every position we try doesn’t feel right it feels like he is stabbing my insides. He is the first guy I have ever had sex with so I have nothing to compare it too. It just hurts but not enough to cry but enough to get dizzy over. Is this how its supposed to feel like? How can I make it not hurt and cum?

That is really frustrating – and I know because I’ve been there, too!

There are a number of medical conditions that could be causing this, so if you’re in a place to be able to do so, talking with a doctor or visiting a place like Planned Parenthood would be a great idea. Some of those medical conditions include endometriosis, vaginismus, and issues with the pelvic floor muscles.

For pelvic floor issues, working with a physical therapist that specializes in that area can be a lifesaver. I had to do that in 2017, and everything got better! It may take a while, but things will get better.

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G writes,

I’ve been with two sexual partners in my life, and the same thing happens with both of them. Whenever I’m receiving a handjob or blowjob, and the pleasure is in the medium-to-intense range, something unusual happens to me. I experience a tingling sensation in my arm, or both arms, or even all my limbs. The tingling sensation is very similar to the “pins and needles” sensation we all feel when our arm/leg falls asleep. And similarly to that, it’s unpleasant. What is it that’s happening, and why?

I’m sorry to hear that it’s uncomfortable! It’s hard to say exactly why this is happening, but there are a few things that could help you figure out an answer to this question.

There could be an underlying medical issue. I’m not a doctor, but my guess would be something to do with circulation or nerves. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to talk to a doctor to see if they can rule anything out.

Many of us have quirks around our orgasms. Some people curl their toes. If I orgasm hard, my hearing starts sounding like I’m underwater. I hate to say it, but this could be your quirk.

I would definitely hit up a doctor to discuss this and see if there’s anything else going on before considering that this is a given. You might also try to mix up sensations your partner gives you during a handjob and blowjob and see if that helps.

Have a question you want to be answered? Leave a comment below! I won’t publish the comment but instead will reach back out to you.