It’s been a hot minute since I shared updates on my life in general, but especially on the testosterone front. So, let’s fix that.
Physical Changes
Here’s the photo posted in that initial update:
I’ve pulled photos taken since I took the ones above into a Google Drive folder. Here are some highlights:
I had top surgery on July 6, 2021. I’ll do a separate write-up for that, but please note that you’ll see binders and some recovery photos in the folder as well as below.
As you can see, I have grown a lot more body hair. I have to trim my facial hair every couple of weeks to keep it from getting wild. I need a haircut badly, too, but that will come at the end of the week I think. Since I inject my testosterone into my thighs, they’re little forests at this point.
The bulk of these changes have been incredibly affirming. When I catch myself in the mirror as I walk by, I see a dude and not someone stuck in the wrong body. I see myself as the cute boy I imagined at age 12, someone that traverses the feminine and masculine and yet is still a boy.
I continue to get stronger, although I’m not actively trying to do so. It takes a lot less effort to do some things and I literally don’t know my own strength. I accidentally broke a walkway lamp trying to put it in the ground the other day. I keep closing soda bottles far too tightly to loosen them without some sort of grip – and other people like my fairly strong partner need that help, too!
My pain levels are generally okay now. They were a little rough for a while there, but then I discovered that the Ritalin I’m now on for the ADHD diagnosis I finally got in May also causes an uptick in muscle pain. Rude, right? When I take my mid-day booster, I make sure to take an extra NSAID or even a muscle relaxer, depending on what my pain level was like already. It’s helped a lot. Now that my partner and I are settled into our new place, I’ll also be able to reestablish my physical routines like PT and dancing which will also help a lot.
My curves have changed quite a bit, though that was partially helped by top surgery.
I still haven’t really run into any issues with acne. While I do have some more pimples, I also have more ingrown hairs because I have more hair overall.
More updates are below the fold, including some NSFW ones.
Clitoral Changes
In my 6-month update, I shared that I had some clitoral growth in addition to no longer struggling with self-lubrication. That is definitely still the case.
My clitoris has also begun to behave more like a penis, meaning I get to experience erections albeit fairly small ones. It is really interesting to experience. Initially, my body would experience some symptoms that felt almost similar to a UTI, such as burning and some weird sensations within the urethra. That’s subsided, leaving only the erectile experience.
Sex Drive Changes
My sex drive, while still high, isn’t wildly ridiculous. It’s nowhere near where my sex drive was in July of 2020. That said, it is still high but I’ve always had a high sex drive. I do respond to sexual stimuli more quickly, though, which is awesome.
Emotional Changes
One of the things that a lot of us worry about before starting testosterone is becoming angry. Society tells us that testosterone is a major cause of being an asshole, giving cis men an excuse to continue with that ‘boys being boys’ shit. I’m here to tell you that this is a lie.
I’ve not gotten any angrier than before. In fact, my mood has balanced out. I’m no longer slightly enraged at all times – not outwardly so. Yes, I feel anger over things like what might be happening in the world – but I can also let that anger go and get it out via talking or writing. It doesn’t stay like it used to before. It certainly doesn’t push me to argue with people randomly on the internet anymore.
It’s really nice.
I’ve been able to also reach a point where I can start stating the emotions I’m feeling verbally to others and talk about them. I still may need some processing time alone prior to doing so, but I can share that something is bothering me without feeling like it’ll cause the world to crumble. Granted, that’s not solely due to testosterone but ADHD meds, therapy, self-work, and my amazing partner. It’s worth stating, though.
Vocal Changes
Overall, my voice continues to get deeper. It almost feels like I have to try harder to speak at times, as though my deeper voice just takes more energy to project. That’s weird, too, because I know people can hear me a little better in louder environments now.
It has taken me a while to get used to singing in a lower register. Navigating that from my previous soprano stature has been A Journey. I’m finally getting there, though, and can adjust to singing most things now.
Here’s a timeline of vocal changes captured via podcast episodes or song covers.
- February 2020 (two weeks after starting testosterone)
- June 2020
- November 2020
- January 2021: Best Part
- February 2021: Dream A Little Dream
- April 2021:
- May 2021:
- July 2021:
For more from March-September 2021, go listen to the Dungeons & Diagnoses podcast.
Other Updates & Life Changes
I recently moved from Wisconsin to Ohio. My partner and I bought a house together and are really enjoying cohabitation. Our dogs are pretty happy about it, too, since I work from home.
Speaking of, I am switching jobs. I was working for the Wisconsin Department of Health Services on chronic disease prevention. I loved that job and the people I worked with. We always tried to maximize health equity work – and I even managed to get mentions of white supremacy and fat stigma onto the prediabetes webpages I helped develop! Between the move and frustrations with disorganization at the greater departmental level, I am leaving DHS for a position I start next week with a healthcare concierge service focused on LGBTQ+ folks! I’m so very excited.
As I said, I had masculinizing top surgery in July 2021 (twitter thread here). While I nearly died due to an MCAS reaction to anesthesia, everything else went really well! I need and want to write about that, but I keep pushing it off. We all know that death isn’t exactly my favorite topic. That goes double for facing my own, so we’ll see when that gets done.
Stay tuned for more updates from the T Files.
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