Category: LGBTQIA+

A Starter List of Attractions and Orientations

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

a photo of a rainbow assortment of straws against a black background with white text: " A Starter List of Attractions and Orientations " and " Chronic Sex "

With it being Pride month, I wanted to share something that I’ve been working on for a while – a list of attractions and orientations. This list is by no means meant to be exhaustive – more like a good start.

Did you know that there are actually several types of attraction? It’s true!

  • Aesthetic: attraction to one’s appearance.
  • Alterous: attraction that’s a mix between platonic and romantic; wanting emotional closeness.
  • Platonic: wanting a friendship with someone.
  • Romantic: wanting to have a romantic relationship with someone.
  • Sensual: wanting to engage in non-sexual closeness like cuddling.
  • Sexual: wanting to engage in sexual acts with someone.

This can all be used as suffixes to go along to share a variety of labels. As an example, I use pansexual or queer to label my sexuality – which could be labeled duosexual (defined below). Since writing this post, I’ve also shifted to being transmasculine and attracted far more to other masculine folks, so I also may use gay or androsexual to describe my sexuality. My romantic and sensual attraction labels are fairly similar to my sexuality label. Aesthetically, I’m attracted to androgynous looks (ninaesthetic) and very masculine looks (androaesthetic). I tend to be either panalterous and panplatonic.

 

Some quick terms

In order to understand some of the terms, you’ll need to know a few others.

Femme: a person who acts, dresses, or identifies as more feminine regardless of gender.

Masc: a person who acts, dresses, or identifies as more masculine regardless of gender.

 

Well-known(ish) labels

Heterosexual (straight): attracted to members of the ‘opposite’ sex (i.e., a man who is sexually attracted to women).

Asexual (ace): someone who does not feel attracted to others sexually and therefore is not generally interested in sexual relationships – this is a spectrum in and of itself, though, because this can range from those who are asexual and aromantic (see below) to those who are asexual but are demiromantic.

Aromantic (aro): someone who does not feel attracted to others romantically and therefore is not interested in romantic relationships with others.

Note: Aros and aces are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, period. Even if “hetero-leaning,” they do not meet societal expectations of how people are ‘supposed’ to engage in relationships. As such, they face a variety of violent actions and harm including corrective assault, etc. If you don’t include the ace and aro community in your activism, you’re exclusionary and actively causing harm to others.

Gay: men or masculine non-binary people attracted to men. This term can be used as a general term for those under the LGBTQ+ umbrella at times, with varying degrees of inclusion (e.g., ‘gay’ could refer to gay men/nonbinary folks, gays and lesbians, gays and lesbians and anyone experience same-gender attraction, etc.).

Lesbian: women or non-binary people who are attracted to women.

Queer: This is often used to describe a person who falls under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, regardless of their gender or orientation. It used to be a slur but has been reclaimed by people within the community. Still, that slur status stands, so please don’t use this to describe a patient unless they’ve signaled that they’re okay with it. Many LGBTQ+ people identify as queer which is partially a sociopolitical identification. A good example of this would be those who participated in the Stonewall Riots, Act Up!, or other LGBTQ+ activist events.

Bisexual: the more well-known term to say one is attracted to two or more genders.

Bicurious: someone who is curious about experiences with multiple genders.

Pansexual: think “I am attracted to everyone, regardless of their or my gender identity.”

The difference between bisexual and pansexual is that bi takes gender into consideration while pan does not. That’s literally the only difference. Neither is inherently transmisic or bimisic in design because they don’t mean the same thing.

Why do I use -misic/misia instead of -phobic/phobia? Learn more.

 

Orientations you may not know

I’ve used sexual as the suffix for many of these, even though you could use any of the attraction suffixes above.

Abrosexual: having a sexual orientation that can’t be pinned down in words due to it constantly changing.

Acorsexual: being sexually attracted to someone but unable to participate due to traumatic history or other reasons.

Aegosexual: having sexual attraction but only for situations you’re not participating in.

Aliquasexual: only feeling sexual attraction under certain circumstances.

Allosexual: Someone who experiences sexual attraction; the opposite of asexual.

Amorplatonic: Someone who experiences romantic attraction to others but prefers to be friends or engage in friends-with-benefits behavior over relationships.

Androsexual: Someone who is sexually attracted to people who present more masculine or males.

Apothisexual: being asexual specifically due to being repulsed by sex.

Arcsexual: averse, repulsed, and conflicted by sex.

Bellusromantic: being interested in romantic activities but not a romantic relationship.

Caedsexual: having felt sexual attraction in the past, but lost that attraction due to trauma.

Cassromantic: feeling indifferent to romantic relationships.

Ceasesexual: having sexual attraction but losing it for a time period.

Ceterosexual: someone who is attracted to non-binary and gender non-conforming people; skolio is another prefix for this, but it suggests some weirdness/ableism as it means bent or broken.

Cupiosexual: not feeling sexual attraction, but still wanting sexual experiences.

Demiromantic: someone who generally needs to have a very strong emotional connection to someone in order to feel attracted to them romantically.

Demisexual: someone who generally needs to have a very strong emotional connection to someone in order to feel attracted to them sexually.

Dreadsexual: someone who goes through periods of having sexual attraction or not having it – and having it brings anxiety.

Duosexual: using two or more attraction labels that you flip between (e.g., bisexual and pansexual).

Finsexual: sexual attraction to femmes.

Icularomantic: an aromantic person who is still open to having romantic relationships.

Kalosromanitc: desiring a romantic relationship but not being romantically attracted to anyone in specific categories.

Limnosexual: enjoying erotic art, but not participating in sexual acts.

Minsexual: sexual attraction to mascs.

Monosexual: Romantic or sexual attraction to only one gender.

Morphesexual: someone whose orientation changes based on the type of attraction and person it’s directed towards.

Neuplatonic: having friendship attraction to people who are genderless.

Neuroaromantic: wanting to be in a romantic relationship but being scared of it because of your mental health or neurodiversity.

Ninsexual: sexual attraction to androgynous people.

Novosexual: your sexuality changes with your gender.

Omnisexual: sexual attraction to all genders.

Penultiromantic: romantic attraction to every gender but your own.

Platoniromantic (Idemromantic): someone who doesn’t feel a difference between platonic and romantic attraction.

Polysexual: being sexually attracted to multiple but not all genders.

Pomosexual: identifying as not heterosexual, but not necessarily needing a specific label.

Quoisexual: feeling like sexual attraction doesn’t apply or make sense for you.

Reciprosensual: sensual attraction to someone only when they’ve shared their sensual attraction to you.

Requiesromantic: feeling too emotionally exhausted to experience romantic attraction.

Sansromantic: your romantic attraction just does what it does without any real trend or pattern.

Thymsexual: your sexual attraction depends on how you’re doing emotionally.

 

Relationship Types

In addition to the large variety of attraction types, there are different relationship types. Here are just a few examples.

Monogamous: someone who is in an exclusive one-on-one relationship.

Polyamorous: someone who is in a consensually non-monogamous relationship; this can also be called ethical non-monogamy; a lot of people use the short-hand ‘poly’ for this but that gets confusing when you note poly can be a suffix for both gender and attraction types – it also is the short-hand used for Polynesian people, and we shouldn’t be co-opting that. Forms of polyamory include:

  • An open relationship/marriage: partners are able to take on new sexual partners.
  • Polygamy: one person may have multiple spouses.
  • Mono/Polyam Relationship: one person in a relationship stays monogamous to their partner while their partner is non-monogamous.
  • Swinging: usually refers to people who have sex outside their marriage but don’t necessarily engage in multiple romantic relationships.
  • Bigamy: being married to two people at once; not legally recognized in most places.

This is just the tip of the non-monogamy iceberg. Stay tuned for more on this in the future.

 

Additional terms to know

  • Bimisia: Bigotry and discrimination against bisexual people. This is usually seen in how people label relationships of bisexual people (e.g., a bisexual woman dating another woman is often called a lesbian, but if she’s dating a man she’s called straight).
  • Closeted: Someone who has not disclosed their sexual orientation to others. Someone who isn’t ‘out’ about their sexual orientation (or gender).
  • Coming out: The process someone takes when they share their sexual orientation with others, either publicly or privately. This isn’t an all-or-nothing process – for example, someone can ‘come out’ to friends but stay closeted to their parents.
  • Heteronormativity: The societal assumption that every relationship will be heterosexual. This message is often sent to us in media we consume, such as ads or television shows featuring a large majority of heterosexual couples. This can also be called heterosexism.
  • Homomisia: Bigotry and discrimination against gay men and lesbians.
  • Outing: Sharing someone’s sexual orientation without their permission. This is generally used when someone is closeted, either in general or to whomever you out them.
  • Questioning: Someone who is unsure of or exploring their sexual orientation.

Avoid these

(unless you’re reclaiming them or someone else is and has said you can use these terms towards them)

  • Homosexual: This is an outdated and more medicalized term to describe gay and lesbian people.
  • Sexual preference: Sexual orientation is not a preference.
  • Preferred pronouns: Pronouns aren’t preferred or optional. They’re required in respectful relationships.
  • Fag, dyke, homo: Slurs for gay men, lesbians, and both, respectively.
  • Sodomite, deviant, diseased, perverted: These terms have been used to ‘other’ people under the LGBTQ+ umbrella for ages.

Wanna learn more about gender? Click here.

Masturbation, Chronic Illness, and Queerness video!

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Y’all, I’ve got a story to tell. It starts with me nerding over Eva from What Is My Body Doing? at the University of Guelph Sexuality Conference in 2017. The latest chapter ends with Eva releasing this pretty cool video of a recent convo.

She is the cutest! I am so incredibly happy to know Eva and to watch her come into her queerness.

Make sure to check out her other amazing videos on YouTube. If you like her stuff, support her on Patreon! Want to cruise her social? Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr (where you can ask her anonymous questions!).

Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1.2: The GP’s Office & IUD Visit

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

In my post yesterday, I talked about coming out to my GP’s office.

My IUD appointment was… it went as well as it could go. I’m still unpacking my feels around that and will post them in the future.

After inserting my IUD, the PA asked what pronouns I use. She mentioned that there was a new spot in our EHR to add those in. While she was doing that, she asked about my orientation and if I wanted that noted.

Since she was adding things – and in the interest of being forthcoming – I mentioned that we are moving towards nonmonogamy. I also stated I hadn’t had any new partners as of yet, though.

Now everyone in one of my health systems will be able to see these identities in my chart. It’s nice to not have the pressure of specifically coming out to each provider, but I’m also guessing I’ll have to update people. This also doesn’t cover the people in the other health system that I see.

The PA was super affirming, and I’m grateful that she’s aware of what’s going on. She also does a ton of work with advocating for the LGBT+ community within our larger healthcare community. It’ll be really nice to continue to develop a relationship with her and see what I can help with, too.

Stonewall Inn Doesn’t Know the ADA

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

This week, they turned away a blind person with their service dog.

The manager was cavalier about it. They were adamant that there was some sort of documentation required.

There isn’t.

Thankfully, a friend with them recorded a video of the ordeal. You can catch a transcript here.

Help me tell Stonewall Inn that they need to get their ish together.

Update: Them put up a story about this as well.

Final update: As of June 9th,  Stonewall finally provided a meaningful statement to yours truly. They’ve apologized and will be offering an ADA training for bars and clubs in the area. They are going to have the disability rights lawyer they’re working with go over a variety of accessibility issues with them. They’re also going to make donations via their charity to a disability org. They didn’t tell me what, if anything, would go on with manager Mike… which I’m still not pleased about… I’m still going to be keeping an eye on them. This isn’t the first story of discrimination, and I doubt it’ll be the last.

Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1: The GP’s Office

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of pride rainbow colored construction paper in the background with a black transparent text box and white text: " Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1: The GP's Office " and " Chronic Sex "

Today – actually, literally right as this gets posted – I’ll be getting an IUD placed. You’re probably wondering how I got here.

The hubs and I have known for a while that we didn’t want kids.  I’ve known this for a long time. Despite knowing this, my GP had expressed concerns over making any large decisions about my reproductive system.

Fast forward a year and a half later, and my migraines are running rampant. I know that taking estrogen every single day – as a part of taking continuous birth control – isn’t helping. I also know regularly having periods is not an option for me. My arthritic hands don’t handle them well. My pain levels go through the roof. It’s not a good thing.

Cue finally making an appointment with my GP’s PA to talk about other options.

Hubs had the day off so I brought him with because, sometimes, it helps me feel braver. It’s really easy for me to drop things and lose my resolve sometimes.

I knew that I would likely need to come out about my genderfluidity.

Yes, that’s right, me – a patient activist and sex toy tester – had not come out to them yet. I haven’t come out to any HCP about any of my identities, aside from being a sex educator. They have a lot to catch up on.

Instead of trying to hide it as I might have in the past, I was upfront. I said, in different words, that “I’m genderfluid and struggle with dysphoria. While I want to limit my migraine potential – and dysphoria – by removing extra estrogen, I also don’t want children.”

While the MA didn’t seem to necessarily enjoy hearing about me coming out, I’m grateful that the PA did. She happened to be wearing a Pride-colored Staff of Asclepius on her coat, which I didn’t notice until about halfway through the appointment.

In the end, we decided that the best options were either to get a hysterectomy or an IUD. Since we can treat the IUD as a stepping stone – because I can always have them steal my uterus later – it just made sense to try that first. I’m getting Liletta which is similar to Mirena.

As things move along, my goal will be to go through the coming out process each of my identities to each of my HCPs. They need that information to be able to treat me most effectively. I recognize the privilege I have to be able to go through the coming out process… but also recognize the fear and stigma that kept me quiet for so long. Hopefully, by documenting both getting an IUD and coming out, I can help erase some of those barriers for others.

I really hope I’m able to be brave during this appointment and let them know about recent decisions around nonmonogamy, too.

I Changed in November 2016 – And That’s Okay

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a person wearing jeans from legs down against a mountain backdrop with white text: " I Changed in November 2016 " and pink text " And That's Okay "

In the mornings, I go through and schedule social media posts. It isn’t every morning anymore – more like every couple – but it’s still a habit. It helps with gathering stuff up for LUOF, here, and more.

I had a lot on my mind this morning when I went to schedule. When I came across this piece, it really hit home.

https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/its-okay-to-change-after-a-difficult-thing-has-happened/

I’ve changed since the 2016 presidential election. I had to.

Right before the election, I came out about my gender and sexuality. I was so confident in myself and that things were changing for the better that I got cocky about showing the world more of my authentic self.

Some of the changes before the election were forced ones on my part. I wanted people to see me the same way they saw other patients or sex educators. I wanted my dad and his family to like me. It was clear to me that people didn’t want someone fighting for justice – they wanted someone who never got angry.

That whole time I tried to be chill and go with the flow for everyone else, I was struggling. My pain was so bad (not that it’s ever great). I felt like I had to become someone else to make others comfortable, just like I had done for my mother my whole life. Instead of being myself, I was hiding for the benefits of others.

The election

I spent the night of the election in bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Being a genderfluid/trans, pan/queer, disabled, abuse surviving sex educator – and being out about all of it – scared me. I wasn’t scared because of people I knew – yet – but those like You-Know-Who that refused to see me as a human being.

Then, of course, I learned about the views of people I thought I knew – that I thought were my friends. Instead of kindness, love, and compassion, I was met with hostility from people I would’ve done anything for. One friend acted like their queer and trans friends needed to grow up and stop whining. A few months later when You-Know-Who started seriously shit for my communities, that person reached out to apologize. I realized I didn’t need them in my life, especially when they misgender people and then get upset people don’t cut them slack years down the line.

Others quickly grew tired of me talking about privilege and justice. In trying to educate cishet people about what the rest of us face, I was somehow being ‘exclusionary.’ By trying to use my privileges to address racism, colorism, poverty, and more, I was apparently making people with the same privileges uncomfortable.

Moving on

I feared most the things that have come to pass. It’s been a fight to not be run over by this administration. To get shit from friends for being my authentic self is hard.

This stuff all hurts. It shreds my soul like its a soft cheese. On top of that, it’s exhausting to wake up ready to fight every single day. It’s draining and rough.

This has taken nearly two years to talk about it for a reason.

There’s a great quote that I try to remember when people tell me shitty things:

“When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”.

The white, middle-aged, middle-class, cishet patient advocates that get upset about me calling discrimination what it is have to learn to grow. They have to move past their privilege and into uncomfortable spaces. Instead of focusing only on advocacy for themselves and their condition(s), they need to see the benefits of activism and fighting for justice.

In the spirit of Audre Lorde, I am not free while any person is unfree, even when their shackles are very different from my own.

So, yeah, I’ve changed since the election

I have – for the better. Instead of keeping quiet about what bothers me, I speak up. I talk about being abused in the patient community and how upset it makes me that others refuse to address it. I point out when people are being bigoted or discriminatory in their views.

No one is perfect. I’m certainly not. I’m working on getting better about taking feedback. I wish I was better at it right now, but it’s a process. It’s not easy, especially when I had no foundation around handling emotions well. Of course, it doesn’t help that my depression and anxiety often manifest as anger.

As Tiffany points out in the piece above,

Getting through difficult things is by its nature – difficult. Changing is not a sign of weakness or flaw.

We shift, we change, we heal, we move on, we get stuck, we get stuck in the pursuit of moving on, we adapt, we falter… Making peace with yourself through all these journeys is so very important to loving yourself – to loving all of yourself.

Right now, I’m still working on change. And that’s okay.

Why I’m Glad I Won’t Be Counted By The Census as a Queer Trans Person

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

philly pride black with black and brown stripes added next to a white background with black text - " Why I'm Glad I Won't Be Counted By The Census as a Queer Trans Person" and "Chronic Sex"

This past week, it was announced that questions about gender and sexuality won’t be part of the 2020 census. I know there are a lot of people upset about that. I, on the other hand, am hella stoked.

Conservative political leaders have riled their bigoted supporters up. This led to higher rates of hate crimes immediately following the 2016 presidential election. Those higher rates have, sadly, persisted.

I won’t lie – I get afraid of being myself in public. Having purple hair already gets me odd stares and under-the-breath comments that aren’t so quiet. Add in wearing things that show off my queer, trans, and/or disabled pride, and it gets even worse.

One thing I’ve learned from disability history is that counting or helping us always has a hidden agenda. In the past, disabled people were locked up under the guise of helping us. We’ve been – and continue to be – tortured in order to ‘help’ us. Ableds consistently invade our hashtags to tell us how to self-identify and tone police.

Frankly, the last thing I want until I have any semblance of faith in our political system is to have them count and note my identities. It might seem weird to consider that I happily share my identities, but fear government involvement with them.  I worry about what they will actually do with that information. Honestly, it brings up images of the Holocaust – the multiple symbols used to identify prisoners, how the T4 program started with disabled children, and more.

Until I feel like there is less bigotry against us, there’s no way that I feel comfortable being counted. I can’t imagine I’m alone in that.

ClexaCon Fundraiser: Disability Representation Panel

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Clexacon logo (rainbow infinity symbol on its side with '2018' at the most righthand side) with ClexaCon written in rainbow below against a black background

If you haven’t already heard, I’ll be heading to ClexaCon this April! I’m incredibly excited as I’ll be on two panels. One is about sex ed for queer peeps called Let’s Get Cliterate! The other panel is about disability representation in queer media.

For the latter one, we’ve set up a GoFundMe to raise funds for those of us traveling to Vegas for the conference.

This panel is so needed. The fundraiser will go to cover travel and lodging during the conference for our panel peeps. One of our panel peeps has, unfortunately, had to drop out due to health, and we’re hoping to have some surprises from them at our panel at least.

Please consider donating. I’m driving and staying at an Airbnb to save on costs. Still, with having to get a new car sans planning, having any money to cover our travel and lodging would be very much appreciated. And that’s just me! There are others attending that could use the help as well.

Please consider sharing even if you’re unable to donate.

What Matthew Shepard Means To Me

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of Matthew Shepard's memorial bench on the U of Wyoming campus - plaque reads "Matthew Wayne Shepard * December 1, 1976 - October 12, 1998 * Beloved son, brother, and friend * He continues to make a difference * Peace be with him and all who sit here"; under photo is a black text box with white text "What Matthew Shepard Means To Me" and "Chronic Sex"

TW: death, murder, homomisia, hate crimes.

When I was ten years old, I had already been through a lot of rough stuff. I knew that I didn’t feel as girly as I ‘should,’ and knew I liked both boys and girls.

In October 1998, I heard about a man who was beaten and nearly dead. As more news came out, I learned that Matthew Shepard had been harmed because he was gay. To this day, there are conflicting reports about this, but I believe this played a part.

It felt like the whole world was watching. As a baby queer growing up in a conservative household, this attack hit me hard. I didn’t have the words to express my feels, but kept crying – something I absolutely hate doing.

I realized why people felt they had to hide their sexuality. Even today, when things really haven’t changed as much as we like to think, it’s understandable. I still feel a bit of fear when I go out dressed more manly – and won’t ever go out with my packer.

I wanted to go and attend a vigil or go counter-protest the WBC jerks. There are many reasons that couldn’t happen, but I’ve felt this pull to go there for a long time.

Matthew was HIV positive, something that wasn’t well-known until he was in the hospital following the attack. The reason this got notoriety was mostly out of concern for the responding officer. She had faulty supplies and so worked on saving Matthew sans gloves. There was a good amount of ableism around HIV afterward. I didn’t understand why people were so harmful, so judgmental. After all, I had already been tested as a child due to my doctors taking forever to find my diagnosis of Still’s Disease.

I will always wonder what kind of HIV and AIDS advocate Matthew would’ve become had he survived.

By the time he died the following week, there was already a movement started to improve hate crime laws. By 2009, President Obama signed the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act. This officially added sexual orientation and gender to then-existing hate crime laws.

In high school, I watched as classmates put on The Laramie Project – a play based on interviews with Laramie residents following Matthew’s death. I cried nearly the entire time. By the time I was in college, I was fortunate enough to attend a speech Matthew’s mother Judy gave about the events and her subsequent work on LGBT+ rights and hate crimes through the Matthew Shepard Foundation. Again, I cried for much of that.

As I’ve begun navigating my own queerness, it seems that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of Matthew or his family. It’s such an odd thing to say since I didn’t and don’t know them. His attack and death taught me so much about the world, though, and the way it views us.

In June of 2016, the ex and I drove his old car from Wisconsin to California to give it to my sister. Our route took us through Laramie, and I knew we needed to stop at the University of Wyoming campus to visit Matthew’s memorial bench. I sat on the bench, crying, and ‘talking’ to Matthew.

This was in the middle of me figuring out my gender identity, but before I’d come out to anyone. It was comforting to sit there, to be in a spot that was set aside specifically to remember Matthew and his life. I felt so peaceful afterward.

That night, the shooting at the Pulse nightclub happened, spurring many of us to reflect on why it felt like our spaces had been targeted… and finding both our queerness and our transness.

With rollbacks happening to our rights, we have to remember these fights. It’s been two decades, but we are by no means done fighting for our fellow LGBTQQIA2+ or disabled/chronically ill siblings. Matthew reminds me how much one person can impact others. He inspires me on days when I’m tired of constantly fighting bills and asking Congresspeople not to harm us.

Maybe he can help you keep fighting, too.

 

2023 update:

A few weeks ago, I did something that Matthew never got to do — I got gay married. He died just a couple of years before we gained civil unions — and nearly a decade before we’d be allowed legal marriage in a handful of states.

I thought about him a lot that day, about how we get to cross milestones in life that people we care about didn’t reach.

I can’t help but think that it brightens his day to see LGBTQ+ folks living their truths openly and safely. I hope we can have a little more of that in this world.

sepia-toned photo of two people holding hands - only the hands are really visible against a desert-like backdrop - both hands have a lot of jewelry on them - a white overlay on top has black text over it asking "Are You Tired of Cishet Studies on Relationships and Pain, Too" and the same setup below says "chronic sex"

Are You Tired of Cishet Studies on Relationships and Pain, Too?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

I was really excited to see a new study come out saying that a touch from our partners can help relieve pain. It’s one of those obvious things, especially to anyone who knows about how our brains release oxytocin. The hormone has long been known to relieve pain as well as being the ‘love’ hormone.

It increases bonding between people, especially when they’re physically close to each other. For example, it’s released during sexual activity!

I wanted to know more about the study, so I turned to their free journal article on NCBI.

Write-ups don’t tell the whole story

One thing I found interesting was that the study is also heavily focused on empathy. Sure, a loved one hugging you while you’re in pain may help – but it helps more if they care you’re in pain, too.

Additionally, they studied both respiratory and cardiac response in both partners as well. Heart and breathing rates in the non-pain partners tended to try to match those of the pain partners when touch was involved. When pain happened without touch, this didn’t happen.

Anyway, I was excited to see that someone verified something a lot of patients and providers have known for a long time…

Until, you know, I realized this study was only done on cishet couples.

Why are studies always on cishet couples?

From the study write-up:

Dr. Goldstein and colleagues gathered 22 heterosexual couples for their study, who were all aged between 23 and 32.

The researchers asked the couples to participate in a range of tests that replicated the experience of being in a delivery room.

The female participants were assigned the role of “pain receiver,” while the men were “pain observers.”

There’s some good ol’ fashioned sexism in here, too, right?

Barf.

In their limitations section in the journal article, researchers discuss how only females underwent pain and males were the outside partner. They do suggest that there need to be similar studies on same-sex couples, but neither address any other LGBTQIA+ community nor why they chose only cishet couples to begin with.

It’s 2017. Why is it that LGBTQIA+ people still aren’t being involved in research? How meaningful is research when it leaves out an increasingly sizeable chunk of the population?

We need inclusive research

KLB Research logo with tagline: valuing diversity in academic research

I had the pleasure of seeing Dr. Karen Blair of KLB Research speak at the Guelph Sexuality Conference.

Karen was in college when she discovered she was a lesbian. As a result of taking sexuality courses, she began wondering why cishet couples were always the ones in research and books. So, like all great innovators, she started doing the research that needed to happen.

Dr. Blair even did a study right after the Pulse massacre to understand how this was affecting the LGBTQIA+ community. Listening to her speak about the Pulse study was incredibly profound. There’s even a follow-up study accepting participants.

What can we do?

We need more people like Karen – and more awareness of the work she and others do on inclusive research.

Share studies looking for participants whenever you can. Support or participate in The Pride Study. Stay tuned for when ORCHIDS gets going.

Demand more representation. When studies come out and don’t include anyone other than white cishet abled middle-class Americans, we have to speak up and share that this is not reality. This is not inclusive research.

Edit: Our pals over at Clara Health just wrote about the lack of LGBTQQIA2+ representation in studies. Check it out.