I received the following anonymous question recently:
How do you deal with desensitization? Ever since my injury in my sacrum area, my nether regions still get aroused. However, it’s much harder to get off. I have tried deep breathing, toys, fantasy, and I haven’t been able to just be in my body without relying on it and really miss just enjoying myself without a fix. Sometimes it feels like the nerves are just not as sensitive anymore.
Desensitization sucks. Seriously.
That’s so frustrating! I have some nerve issues and know what that can be like. One of the best toys I’ve found is the Doxy Massager. It’s a plug-in magic wand that has very high vibrations. A lot of people find it easier to orgasm or have fun with this toy. I wrote a review back in November. It can take a little while to get more sensitive if you’re starting to re-engage those nerves, so it’s not a bad idea to set almost like a workout schedule if that makes sense? Something like the Doxy or another wand massager would be really good for that.
Another option would be to see if you can go to physical therapy for your pelvic floor muscles. This helps to evaluate the muscles and nerves that help control your genitals. It can feel a little invasive, especially as they do have to do some hands-on work. You could also try doing some pelvic floor exercises on your own, but I highly recommend going in if you’re able to and insurance covers it. I’ve written about my experience as well as some tips and tricks if that’s helpful. Sex therapists can be very helpful with some of this stuff, too.
Sometimes medication can affect how we orgasm or feel things, too, so it might be worth looking at your medications to see what helps. One thing that I’ve noticed for me is that I like some things I didn’t use to before some of my nerves got shot. Receiving oral sex, for instance, is something I’ve only begun to like in the last few years. It may be worth playing with things that way to see what feels different now.
I will admit that my nerve issues aren’t too severe. My friend Rachael who runs Hedonish has dealt with it a lot more and may be able to suggest some other things, too.
Edited to add: JoEllen Notte also recommends the Doxy and things like erotic stimulation (e-stim) and fire play – not necessarily right on the genitals, but as a way to feel sensations in that area. Sensation play like this can be very effective in helping with desensitization issues.
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