The dating world is odd. It’s not the same as it was a decade ago, but that doesn’t mean changes are bad. With so many apps and sites to choose from, it can be hard to figure out why you aren’t getting as many hits as you’d like. After playing with some of the leading sites and apps, I came up with some tips.
A Word About Disclosure
I always err on the side of disclosing too much rather than not enough. Look, I’m a “too much” person as it is, ya know? Why pause that for dating? I shared the basics of my health issues on my first date with my husband and I’m not shy about sharing these things in general.
Does that mean I may get fewer likes than an abled person on a dating site? Perhaps – but it also means the people who talk to me know more about what they’re getting into and choose to talk with me more. I hate nothing more than to get invested in someone, only to find that they’re ableist AF.
What kinds of photos have you got on your profile? If the only pictures you have are of kids or memes, expect fewer likes. It’s hard to meet up at a bar and know who you’re looking for if you only have a pet, a child, and a Wolfenstein meme to go off of.
When you’re putting up photos of yourself, make sure to have current ones towards the front. It’s great that you really love your senior high school photos, but you probably don’t look like that anymore. Don’t be like people I know who shared photos a decade old and moved halfway across the world for each other based on that and chatting.
Only putting up pics of you with pals or family makes it hard for someone to see you for you. They might think your username is tied to Great Aunt Gertrude! Try to put up at least one picture of you alone (or with a pet!) so that people know who you are. To get maximum hits, that should be your profile picture, too.
Some apps and sites have limitations on what photos can be shared, while others don’t. Keep this in mind as you choose the photos that display your life, personality, and favorite things.
OkCupid was great for long bios until they started forcing people to use first names (while publicly shaming some people’s usernames). They’ve partially walked their stance back, but the fact remains that it’s no longer a safe place for people who are trans, polyamorous, have stalkers, or have unique names. I liked their biography setup the most, especially as you can answer random questions and see who near you has similar answers. Alas, since it’s unsafe, we have to consider how else to write effective bios for other sites and apps.
Most sites only allow a snippet of information that OKC allowed. The most important thing to consider when writing your dating bio is what is most important to you. If you’re mostly looking for someone else who likes the horror genre to hang out with, don’t forget to put that. Other things that are a must: pronouns, wants, do-not-wants, and sexual orientation.
Your bio is also a great place to put any illness or disability-related things you want someone to know. Should they avoid fragrances? Do you need wheelchair-accessible spaces? Will being around shrimp kill you? Do you have a service animal? These are great things for people to know if they want to invite you out for dinner.
Does your personality shine throughout your profile? Does it feel like ‘you’ or like a stranger? I find it much more comforting when things are written in similar ways to how I would say them. Because of that, I tend to use whole sentences. Others condense for space or sub in emojis which is fine, too. It’s all about that balance between space and your personality.
The biggest point is to do what works for you while displaying all the coolness you have to offer. Without sharing cute solo pics, a kickass bio, and your amazing personality, people won’t be able to see all the awesomeness that is you.