Pick Up Women’s Health This Month!

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

If you take a look at the latest copy of Women’s Health magazine, you’ll see a familiar face around page 156.

two photo collage on a black background; 1-cover of the May 2018 issue of Women's Health with Anna Farris; 2-photo of Kirsten leaning on Theron’s shoulder in the magazine

T and I are in the magazine talking about how we make love work with depression and other mental illness. Our blurb is small, but it means so much to me.

Sometimes we forget the impact we have on others just by sharing our own stories. This was a much-needed reminder to keep telling my truth.

I picked up a couple extra copies, so let me know if you want one and I’ll be happy to send it out.

Awareness Calendar for May

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of japanese cherry blossom trees above a white background with pink text - " Awareness Calendar for May " and black text " Chronic Sex "

Month:

  • ALS
  • Arthritis
  • Asthma and Allergy
  • Bladder Cancer
  • Brain Cancer
  • Celiac Disease
  • CRPS
  • Cystic Fibrosis
  • Digestive Diseases
  • Ehlers-Danlos (EDS)
  • Foster Care
  • Hepatitis
  • High Blood Pressure
  • Huntington’s Disease
  • Lyme Disease
  • Lupus
  • Masturbation
  • Melanoma
  • Mental Health
  • Myositis
  • Neurofibromatosis
  • Osteoporosis
  • Skin Cancer
  • Stroke

Day/week:

  • Asthma (2)
  • Foster Care (2)
  • Barrier Awareness (7)
  • Infertility Survival (7)
  • Stuttering (7-13)
  • Fibromyalgia (12)
  • ME/CFS (12)
  • Neuropathy Awareness Week (second full week)
  • Honor LGBT Elders (16)
  • Hypertension (17)
  • International Day Against Homomisia, Transmisia, and Bimisia (17)
  • HIV Vaccine (18)
  • Hepatitis Testing Day (19)
  • World Autoimmune Arthritis Day (20)
  • Pansexual & Panromantic Awareness (24)
  • Heat Awareness (26)
  • Digestive Health (29)
  • MS (31)

S2E8: O.School, SESTA-FOSTA, and So Much More

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

black-blue background with white and red text: "Season 2 Episode 8 O.School, SESTA-FOSTA, and So Much More Chronic Sex Podcasrt"

Content note for mentions of suicide, sexual violence

First, I discuss O.School and why a lot of us are leaving it or were forced out – they don’t actually support sex workers.

On that same note, some terrible bills have recently been signed or are on their way like SB1204 in California and the combo of SESTA and FOSTA. [Update:

Bottom line? Sex work is real work, and it needs a goddamn safe space. Unlike some politicians believe, sex work and trafficking are not one and the same. Check out #LUOF with pertinent links here.

Pick up the May issue of Women’s Health to see blurbs from me and T about how we handle our depression together. Make sure to visit patreon.com/chronicsex to support the show and the site! <3

Don’t Miss the Explore More Summit

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

The Explore More Summit is about to take off, taking participants on a journey through sexuality, emotions, and more!

Explore More, created by Dawn Serra, is a ten-day electronic summit. This year, it runs from April 23-May 2. Each day, Dawn emails you workbooks that correlate to the day’s talks. The videos of the talks are available for 24 hours – or you can buy them!

Last year, I was able to attend Explore More. I won’t lie – I mostly watched videos from my friends. Even so, I learned so much and grew from those talks. This year, I’m hoping that I’m able to catch more of them.

This year’s schedule includes

  • Cavanaugh Quick discussing be comfortable with discomfort
  • Rafaella & Dalychia from Afrosexuality talking about black sexuality and curiosity
  • Kate Kenfield talking about masturdating
  • And so much more!

If you’re as excited as I am, snag your free spot now!

No Shouldn’t Need An Explanation

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a femme with orange hair in the mountains; they have their eyes closed and have their left hand on the back of their head in contemplation; to the right of the photo is white space with teal text: "No Shouldn't Need An Explanation" and "Chronic Sex" - this piece is about a play party

I recently went to my first play party. I had a really fun time but struggled with something I don’t think should’ve happened.

Wait, what’s a play party?

A play party, for those who don’t know, can also be called an orgy. In my opinion, that’s a really limited view of what happens. It’s a social event that can involve kink, BDSM, and sexual activity. Attendees can spend time catching up or participate in play going on.

Sometimes this can be limited by requiring a membership, being in the know, etc. Since we were at a sexuality conference, I knew or at least knew of most people who were there. A couple I had met briefly the day before was really the only exception. I felt safe and comfortable, although slightly nervous about being at my first event.

Setting the scene

Being unsure about being in the middle of my first play party, I hung towards the back for a while. I’m an ambivert but find myself going more introverted in situations that are new to me.

The couple I’d recently met spent time with me and I found them pleasant to talk with. The husband asked if he could flirt with me which I was fine with, though I didn’t feel he was actually flirting with me. Everyone has a different definition of flirting and I’ve found a lot of people think that’s pleasant conversation versus compliments, etc.

He then asked if I was interested in anything else. I explained that I’m really new to this and want to take things slowly. Other than impact play that I’ve done before and flirting, I wasn’t really interested in doing more at this play party. While I shouldn’t have needed to explain, I did – it’s something I do even for the smallest things. Growing up in an abusive household, I needed an explanation for the tiniest things.

Eventually, I went over and was talking to friends and spending time with them. We were getting closer to the end of the party. After they talked together, the wife of this couple came over to proposition me. The husband was watching and it felt… slimy-ish? I said no thanks, that I wasn’t in that sort of place right now.

Within 20 minutes, the two of them came up to me together after again conferring. I was invited back to their room but declined the invitation. At this point, I began to get uncomfortable. The husband pushed further asking if I would be interested in watching them play together in their room, etc. I once again explained that I wasn’t ready for those kinds of things.

I did then participate in play a little right at the end of the night. A friend flogged me and it was so amazing. This couple was very intently watching, but I was able to shake my feelings about that once the flogging started.

The aftermath

The next morning, I presented a panel which went super well. As I was packing up to head to grab some food, the husband approached me again to apologize for the night before. He blamed it on alcohol… which essentially blamed this all on his wife because he doesn’t drink.

If I hadn’t already felt awkward about the situation, that definitely did it. I’ve already been groomed to be a people pleaser, so telling these people no in the first place was hard. To have to do it at a conference full of sex educators was odd as well, even if the couple involved were there because of friends and not for their jobs.

Rooming with amazing people, I was able to talk through some of my feelings that day. None of us felt great about that. I am very lucky to have had other amazing chronically ill sex educators to room with who completely got why I felt iffy about the whole thing.

They then followed me across social media, tried to add me on FB, and sent me a few messages. By they, I, of course, mean the husband from joint social accounts. I was honestly concerned that I was going to run into them at my workshop a few weeks later back in Toronto because of that, but they didn’t come to that.

I’ve now blocked them on everything (as far as I know) so I feel safer discussing this. I’ve also had time to talk to my therapist and my friends to process this.

Play parties respect boundaries

I think the biggest thing I’m struggling with is the lack of recognition and respect for my boundaries. It’s a new feeling since boundaries are something I didn’t grow up with. To go from having no boundaries growing up or even minimal boundaries ten years ago to trusting my instincts here? That’s really big for me.

No shouldn’t need an explanation. It especially shouldn’t need one at a play party that’s a safe space and full of other educators and sex-positive people. And I shouldn’t have to say no several times. Pressuring someone into sexual activity is not okay, ever.

If someone has said no to you about taking part in sexual activity with them, do not ask again.

Why I’m Glad I Won’t Be Counted By The Census as a Queer Trans Person

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

philly pride black with black and brown stripes added next to a white background with black text - " Why I'm Glad I Won't Be Counted By The Census as a Queer Trans Person" and "Chronic Sex"

This past week, it was announced that questions about gender and sexuality won’t be part of the 2020 census. I know there are a lot of people upset about that. I, on the other hand, am hella stoked.

Conservative political leaders have riled their bigoted supporters up. This led to higher rates of hate crimes immediately following the 2016 presidential election. Those higher rates have, sadly, persisted.

I won’t lie – I get afraid of being myself in public. Having purple hair already gets me odd stares and under-the-breath comments that aren’t so quiet. Add in wearing things that show off my queer, trans, and/or disabled pride, and it gets even worse.

One thing I’ve learned from disability history is that counting or helping us always has a hidden agenda. In the past, disabled people were locked up under the guise of helping us. We’ve been – and continue to be – tortured in order to ‘help’ us. Ableds consistently invade our hashtags to tell us how to self-identify and tone police.

Frankly, the last thing I want until I have any semblance of faith in our political system is to have them count and note my identities. It might seem weird to consider that I happily share my identities, but fear government involvement with them.  I worry about what they will actually do with that information. Honestly, it brings up images of the Holocaust – the multiple symbols used to identify prisoners, how the T4 program started with disabled children, and more.

Until I feel like there is less bigotry against us, there’s no way that I feel comfortable being counted. I can’t imagine I’m alone in that.

Awareness Calendar for April

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a field during the day with a white square overlay and black text "Awareness Calendar for April" and "Chronic Sex"

Month:

  • Alcohol
  • Ankylosing Spondylitis
  • Autism
  • Black Women’s History
  • Child Abuse Prevention
  • Deaf History (March 13-April 15)
  • Donate Life
  • Facial Protection
  • Foot Health
  • Humor
  • Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
  • Jazz Appreciation
  • Minority Health
  • Occupational Therapy
  • Oral Cancer
  • Parkinsons
  • Primary Immunodeficiency
  • Sarcoidosis
  • Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
  • Sports Eye Safety
  • Stress
  • Women’s Eye Health and Safety

Day/week:

  • National Public Health Week (2-8)
  • Sexual Assault Awareness Day of Action (5)
  • World Health Day (7)
  • Oral, Head and Neck Cancer Awareness Week (8-15)
  • Minority Cancer Awareness Week (9-15)
  • National Youth HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (10)
  • World Parkinson’s Day (11)
  • Healthcare Decisions Day (16)
  • Voice Day (16)
  • World Hemophilia Day (17)
  • Transplant Nurses Day (18)
  • Day of Silence (21)
  • National Infertility Awareness Week (23-29)
  • World Immunization Week (23-29)
  • World Meningitis Day (24)
  • World Malaria Day (25)

New CDC Director Hasn’t Been Paying Attention to HIV Rates – And I’m Not Surprised

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Dr. Robert Redfield was recently picked to head the CDC after the position was left vacant for far too long. Unfortunately, he’s already making predictions he can’t possibly cash in on. I think it’s because he doesn’t actually know the data… which wouldn’t be so scary if we didn’t consider that he’s an HIV/AIDS researcher.

Oh, I’m sorry, disgraced HIV/AIDS researcher.

That’s right, y’all! A man in charge of the CDC who has been heralded as a highly regarded researcher… is actually a disgraced researcher. According to Vox, Redfield was cleared of any official misconduct but misrepresented data to the point that the data from his study on an HIV vaccine in the mid-90’s had to be republished.

For more detail, he was the head researcher (AKA Principal Investigator or PI) over this vaccine trial being tested at Walter Reed. Now, there was a lot of pressure to come up with something – anything – that actually helped with the epidemic. It seems to me that Redfield caved to that pressure and published something to get attention and alleviate fears.

I’m also concerned that it might have been rooted in wanting to get queer people in to administer something they knew wouldn’t help so that we’d all die off quicker. This isn’t usually where my mind goes, but Redfield wanted to enstate very segregational laws in the past with regard to HIV/AIDS patients. The man supports abstinence-only sex ed, promotes religious ideals, and scares the shit out of me.

That said, he treats around 6,000 patients at the University of Maryland School of Medicine and apparently gets high marks for his patient care. I still don’t feel like I can trust him, especially when he thinks the HIV/AIDS epidemic will end soon.

Redfield made a remark on his second day in a staff meeting that he believes we can ‘end‘ the epidemic within the next three to seven years. He thinks we have the tools right now to stop it… while promoting abstinence-only sex ed. I mean, he also said that the opioid issue was the major issue of our time and not HIV/AIDS. This wouldn’t be so concerning if the infection rates actually showed some promise. You’d think Redfield would be more familiar with these rates than I am, but I get the feeling that’s not true.

The rate of new HIV infections declined by 10% from 2010-2014 according to the CDC. In 2014, they said we had 37,000 new infections. As of 2016, that number was higher at 39,782. Rates remain higher in people of color. According to HIV.gov,

  • Black/African American gay and bisexual men accounted for the largest number of HIV diagnoses (10,223), followed by Hispanic/Latino (7,425) and white (7,390) gay and bisexual men.

HIV rates are highest in the South from a combination of poor sex ed, a lack of conversation about HIV/AIDS, and religious/moralistic bullshit. On top of that, testing doesn’t happen as much as it should due to stigma, lack of access, and many more factors.

Part of the issue is that trans people aren’t tested. Their providers don’t think about it honestly. And a lot of younger people aren’t tested either. I think many people are young enough that they don’t remember the giant epidemic and AIDS quilt squares. Likewise, they’ve faced terrible sex ed and virtually no awareness campaigns around HIV/AIDS.

So how in the fuck does this guy think we’ll end the epidemic in as little as three years? I have no goddamn clue.

The trepidation I feel about Redfield’s appointment is high enough that I can’t even find the words. This entire administration has reduced a wordsmith to speechlessness. I really hope Redfield can prove me wrong and that he sets aside his bigoted religious beliefs to actually get things done. I’m not sure how with funding BS, but I hope.

Until he shows me different, though, I’m not holding my breath.