Proud Moment

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

I wrote this in the wee small hours this past Sunday morning while hanging out with my roommates for the last night of the Playground Conference in Toronto.

a photo of three mixed media hearts hanging with white text - "Proud Moment Chronic Sex"

A few weeks ago, I had a really nice conversation with my husband. Don’t get me wrong – 98% of our conversations are nice. This one was different, though.

First, some backstory

T has never really had to encounter physical health issues until he met me. Things like accessibility weren’t things that he needed to think about on a daily basis. Even when we were early on in our relationship, I was ‘good enough’ to go without those accommodations – and, honestly, far too proud to use them.

It wasn’t until we moved in together that my everyday health really got bad enough for him to see it. Shortly before that point, I had the worst flare-up of my SJIA since childhood – something that’s thankfully yet to be topped. I had a combination of my rash. It’s a salmon pink rash that usually will show up in the evening around 5 and then again before bed.

Fun fact – this rash is itchy for 5% of peeps. Of course, I would be in that smaller percentage. On top of that, I was also dealing with intense hive-like welts. These can be my SJIA rash, but it only was like that when I was extremely ill in childhood.

I wound up stuck in my apartment for a while dealing with this pain and discomfort. I used icy hot for the first and last time due to the inability to wash it off my hands and use of masturbation for pain control. It just felt like the universe was adding on too much shit.

Long story short, the last thing I wanted was for T to see me like that. I didn’t really see him for the worst of that time. It wasn’t that help wouldn’t have been useful, but I was also aware that it would be terrible to see. I could barely move my fingers, wrists, ankles, and toes. My face swelled to the point where I didn’t look like me.

From that point on, I became a stickler for accessibility.

Fast forward

A few months ago, I wrote the piece about adding image descriptions. As I say in that post, it’s something I think more and more about as I grow older. Already dealing with worsening vision on top of a history of iritis and anterior basement membrane dystrophy, I think about often what will happen when my sight continues to decline. From a very selfish standpoint, I know that I want to be able to imagine what my niblings look like as they grow and accomplish so much.

After I wrote that piece and had been circulating it, my husband stopped to consider the work involved with putting image descriptions up. T asked if there was any specific way you’re supposed to compose descriptions, so I gave him the short verbal version of the post. While I was grateful he asked, I thought it was more about the fact that I had written about it that prompted these questions. After the last few years, I’ve grown less hopeful about reasons behind people’s questions – even those closest to me.

We’re very active in podcast-related facebook groups. As T becomes more active in these spaces, I’ve noticed his focus on helping others grow. He has always been a helpful and very kind dude, but it’s becoming even more pronounced. I like to think that we bring out the kindest and more passionate parts of each other.

Sometimes the two notions fight each other. Being passionate sometimes curtails our ability to be kind because, for example, anyone can understand why a parent might want to park closer if they leave children in the car. However, passion (and law) says parking in an accessible spot to do so without an accessible parking permit is wrong.

Also, yes, this really happened a few years ago at one of our favorite pizza places – after an ice storm. Yeah, the face you’re making? Same.

One of the reasons why people call me a bitch or asshole is because I don’t hide my passion for the comfort of others, especially when they need to understand how harmful they’ve been and/or if people don’t share the same marginalizations. That can make it much harder to understand and even empathize.

Honestly, when T asks me questions about accessibility stuff, I geek out. It’s like asking me about sex. Hello! So, naturally, I talked a lot about the description question.

The proudest

T began to use image descriptions regularly in groups. He is working on being more accessible, not just because I think it’s good and needed but because he totally gets it. A few years ago, he had Lasik to correct his vision. I think he’s been more mindful about eye stuff ever since.

My favorite thing is that T does this even in spaces I don’t regularly go. There is one FB group for a podcast we both love that I don’t regularly visit because items from racist and TERFy pages get shared. Upon bringing up concerns, I was told that the content itself wasn’t the issue so why would it matter where it came from.

Again, that face you’re making? Like someone just farted right under your nose? SAME.

Anyway, I began to disengage with the group itself because I knew things that brought up harmful feels would be shared. T still adds descriptions in there, even though he knows I probably won’t see it.

Why are you talking about this? It’s 12:30 AM at the end of Playground. You should sleep before your 12-hour drive tomorrow.

This feels like a humble brag, but it’s more than that.

It took me years to feel like T really understood what I meant about a lack of accessibility. Even then, it’s different than him going through these things and truly getting it. Our mental health issues are similar enough that I feel witnessed on that while being able to provide him support, too. The physical limitations are just hard to fully grasp if someone doesn’t go through that.

While sharing a tweet with my roommates that T had put into a group, I nearly cried. Part of it was con drop and the post-exertion stuff. I’m sure part of it was wrapped up in missing T and being excited to see him once I get home. Mostly, it’s about T still being kind T even when I’m not home.

We all change a little bit depending on the people we’re around or situations we find ourselves in. This is the first time I’ve traveled in 2018, though, and the first time I’ve been away since T started writing these descriptions. I think part of me assumed he was only doing it to flatter me – and seeing that’s not the case was really necessary. It was uplifting.

On top of that, I was just really touched by the idea that I got through to him on so many things. It’s hard for the two of us to talk about heavy emotional things and, honestly, I don’t think about what things to discuss based on things we need to ‘fix’ or whatever. I don’t and would never give T a honey-do list on changing for me.

After talking today to a room full of amazing chronic peeps and allies/partners, though? It was like the icing on the cake.

Why talk about crippled sex?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

rectangular photo with white background and purple line with white text on it: "why talk about crippled sex? Chronic Sex"

“To realize our sexual freedom, our goal must be to infuse the dominant sexual culture with the richness of our own experience. We must celebrate our differences from those without disabilities. We must see that our differences in appearance and function which are the sources of our degradation also contain the seeds of our sexual liberation.”

From Barbara Faye Waxman’s “It’s Time to Politicize Our Sexual Oppression” in the March/April 1991 issue of The Disability Rag

It’s often thought that we have “more important things to deal with” than sex, which is portrayed as some sort of “luxury” item for us (The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, pg 5). More and more often, we are infantilized or put into various sexual boxes that we don’t fit in.

The fact is that chronically ill and disabled people have sex. We can be sexual in a number of ways. Our sexuality ranges from asexual to pansexual and more. We may be uninterested in sex and relationships or we may be polyamorous.

Our partners might be abled or not. Like my husband, they might struggle with knowing how to help or

We’re sexy as fuck. Like the tagline of the site says, sexuality doesn’t depend on ability.

People who aren’t in our shoes aren’t used to what we face – worse yet, they may hold on to outdated ideas about sexuality and disability. Our providers don’t understand what we’re facing. They may fear addressing our sexuality or be ill-equipped to do so. After all, 54% of medical schools in the United States and Canada provide between 3-10 hours of sex education. Out of that, most of the education provided is around fertility and basic function (though the latter only usually for cis males).

As I write this post, I’m sitting in my hotel at the Playground Conference in Toronto. My time here has been wonderful, but perhaps the most impactful thing so far has been seeing other disabled people here.

At our panel yesterday, I felt like we were leading a sermon for our siblings dealing with this ish and for partners and loved ones who wanted to learn more. We got such thoughtful questions from our fellow peeps and allies alike that it was so affirming – affirming of the work I do, how much I talk about things, the vulnerability I try to show, and so much more.

It’s enough that I struggle to put it into words.

That’s why I talk about this. Because we deserve to be heard and understood.

Crip Bits: Fucking While Cripped Part 3 from Sins Invalid | Feb 26th

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

What are you doing on Monday, February 26th?

Sins Invalid is having a third installment of their “Crip Bits: Fucking While Cripped” FB Live series!

Check out the details on the FB event here.

PS: I’m presenting in Toronto this Sunday at the Playground Conference! Follow #pgconfchronic on Twitter Sunday morning to keep in touch with the conversation.

S2E4: The ADA and HR 620

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

grey background with a black stick figure person in a wheelchair; white text: "S2E3 The ADA and HR 620 - Chronic Sex Podcast"

It’s new podcast day!

I did a rough script this week so I have a rough transcript! Also, as of tonight, Drunk History covered the 504 Protests and didn’t gloss over them like my sober at 8 AM ass did. Check it out!

Rough transcript

Opened by apologizing for cold, guinea pig noises, and listed upcoming events.

HR 620 – AKA the ADA Education and Reform Act of 2017 – passed the House last week. I’m pissed AF. So, let’s talk about it.

The Americans with Disability Act was passed on July 26, 1990. I was two and we had no idea that it was something I would come to rely on within a few years. In reality, though, the ADA started long before then. Nearly two decades earlier, 1973 Rehabilitation Act’s Section 504 banned discrimination because of disability from entities that received federal funding. Section 504 also was really the first piece of legislation acknowledging disability as one marginalized group.

Naturally, there is a lot of variation on how disability affects our lives. Still, we began to be seen as a group.

Section 504 took a long time to get enforcement rules around. It took sit-ins, legal filings, and more. Between the introduction of this legislation and the ADA, several pieces of legislation were championed or fought against by our peeps including the Civil Rights Restoration Act and the Fair Housing Act.

The first version of the ADA was introduced by Senator Weicker and Representative Coelho in April 1988 – my birth month! Activists and members of disability organizations went around trying to explain why the ADA was needed throughout the year. This wasn’t seen as something that needed to be accomplished during the 100th Congress, though, and it was reintroduced in May 1989 by Senators Harkin and Durrenberger and Representatives Coelho and Fish.

Again, disability activists from all over the country talked locally and in DC about what they faced – how they were banned from movie theaters because of their condition or turned away from other businesses. By September – after hearing from thousands of disabled people – the Senate voted to push the ADA forward. The House took its damn time, running the legislation through an unprecedented four committees.

The ADA was finally signed on July 26, 1990. Titles one through three – on employment, state/local government, and public accommodations – were deemed effective as of July 26, 1992. The fourth piece on telecommunications wouldn’t take effect until 1993. In 2008, President GW Bush signed the ADA Amendments Act (ADAAA), counteracting the narrow interpretations on disability used in the past. Those became effective in 2009. The next few years saw improvements and updates to all parts of the ADA, including better transportation regulations.

The ADA turned 25 in 2015… but a lot remains to happen with it. Many businesses are grandfathered in, especially in housing, so they don’t have to consider making changes to bring old buildings up to code. They do, however, have to consider this for future builds (or they’re supposed to).

So, we have these regulations. What happens when there’s an issue? Well, there are two options. We can file a complaint with the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), which will investigate and decide if a violation has occurred. DOJ can enter into mediation with the person and the business. That’s supposed to be a quicker, lower cost approach to resolve violations. The DOJ may also sue the business on the person’s behalf. Alternatively, people with disabilities may file a lawsuit in court, bypassing DOJ altogether.

Representative and general douche bag Ted Poe from Texas thinks that what we disabled people do is get lawsuit happy. He has literally said the following: “There is now a whole industry made up of people who prey on small business owners and file unnecessary and abusive lawsuits. This bill will change that by requiring that the business owners have time to fix what is allegedly broken.” This is no doubt based on the same ideology that thinks we all do these ‘drive-by’ reports.

Y’all have had thirty FUCKING YEARS and a shit ton of notice to fix these issues. But sure, blame us. Ya shit.

Here’s the text of this bullshit [read text from https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/620/text?format=txt]

 

Here’s what HR 620 would do:

  • Remove consequences for ADA violations, thus removing incentives to fix shit
  • Puts it on disabled peeps to cite specific provisions of the ADA that are being violated in writing
    • Businesses then have 60 days to acknowledge the problem exists, and then get 120 from that to fix the issue. That’s the better part of six months from start to finish.
    • Oh yeah, plus, businesses can get six months to make what they call ‘substantial progress’ towards fixing the issue if it’s not an easy fix.
    • On top of all that? Businesses, again, really face few (if any) consequences for these violations years down the line.

Part of why this bothers me? The current system is in place because it is supposed to resolve things fucking quickly. On top of that, I would say 99% of us would try to work on getting these issues fixed locally – talking to the business, organizing a protest, etc. – before even thinking about going through the legal process. Most of us don’t trust the same people who happily oppress us to work on helping us, especially with a severe lack of fundage and inability to add on monetary damages to these suits.  There are also technical assistance hotlines to help businesses understand how to comply with the ADA. It’s not like they don’t have help.

Again, it’s also been nearly thirty fucking years. Hello.

Twelve Democrats voted for this bill: California’s Ami Bera, Jackie Speier, Pete Aguillar, Norma Torres, Luis Cornea, and Scott Peters; IL’s Bill Foster; MN’s Collin Peterson; NY’s Kathleen Rice; OR’s Kurt Schrader; TX’s Henry Cuellar.

The following reps gave a no vote answer: California’s Jim Costa and Karen Bass; CT’s Joe Courtney; Florida’s Theodore Deutch and Debbie Wasserman Schultz; Georgia’s Sanford Bishop; Illinois’ Luis Guitierrez; KY’s Hal Rogers; Maryland’s Elijah Cummings; New Jersey’s Frank LoBlondo; NM’s Steve Pierce; SC’s Jeff Duncan; WY’s Liz Cheney.

Happily, though, the following Republicans voted against the bill: Alaska’s Don Young; FL’s Mario Diaz-Balart; IL’s Peter Roskam; Kansas’ Kevin Yoder; Mississippi’s Gregg Harper; Nebraska’s Jeff Fortenberry; NJ’s Chris Smith, Leonard Lance, and Rodney Frelinghuysen; PN’s Glenn Thompson, Ryan Costello, Brian Fitzpatrick, and Lou Barletta; VA’s Barbara Comstock; WA’s Cathy McMorris Rodgers and David Reichert; and Wisconsin’s James Sensenbrenner.

Thankfully, there are some legislators who see the issue with this. Recently, Senator Patty Murray from Washington – the top ranking democrat on the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions (HELP) Committee – gave this quote: “It’s deeply concerning that at a time when we should be doing everything we can to guard against attacks on the rights of people with disabilities from this Administration, members of the House of Representatives are instead pushing to pass a bill that would severely weaken the landmark Americans with Disabilities Act and make it harder to enforce the rights of those with disabilities in our courts. I hope my House colleagues on both sides of the aisle will immediately reverse course and drop any further attempts to move this bill forward—but if they don’t, they should know that I will be working hard to ensure it is dead on arrival in the United States Senate, and to continue to stand up for the rights of all people with disabilities.”

Senator Bob Casey offered this: “Today, the House Judiciary Committee moved to gut the rights of people with disabilities to have equal access to restaurants, hotels, theaters, ball parks, web sites, and all places and services to which all non-disabled citizens have access. In 1990, Congress, through the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), affirmed the civil rights of all people with disabilities to have access to all businesses and services offered to the public. Those offering services to the public have had 27 years to make their services accessible to all. H.R. 620 would further delay making services and settings accessible and remove the incentive to make businesses and other public entities accessible for people with disabilities. Good legislation would provide support to help businesses comply with the ADA. I stand with the over 250 disability groups that oppose this approach and will fight to protect the civil rights as enshrined in the ADA.”

One of my favorite legislators – Senator Tammy Duckworth – has been a staunch opponent of this bill. If you don’t know who Tammy is, she was the first Asian American woman and the first disabled woman elected to Congress. She’s currently preggers, too, which means Tammy will be the first sitting Senator to give birth (and she’s due this spring!). Before that, she was in the House from 2013-2017 in addition to other notable positions. She currently serves as the junior Senator from Illinois. Before her political career, though, Duckworth was a US Army helicopter pilot. When an RPG hit her cockpit, she lost both of her legs. In addition, she suffered damage to her right arm. Despite her wounds, she continued to serve until retiring from the National Guard in 2014. You can see why she’d be pissed. She has a great thread on Twitter about this. [read thread at https://twitter.com/SenDuckworth/status/964159619127042048] Tammy is an amazing person and someone people have to start listening to when it comes to disability-related legislature.

Another person to listen to is Representative Jim Langevin from Rhode Island. He is the first quadriplegic to serve in Congress. He was injured in 1980 – ten years before the ADA was passed – during an accidental shooting. He was 16 at the time. Langevin has been serving in the House since 2001 and is a staunch supporter of stem cell research for treatment of disabilities. His remarks during his monologue on this bill the day it was passed are something to note: “It will turn back the clock towards a more segregated society and it will unravel the core promise of the ADA that a disability – visible or otherwise – can never be grounds to justify or tolerate discrimination.” [insert full speech from YouTube video]

Do what you can to fight this. Write to your senators. Utilize ResistBot to help you.

Further reading

Giving ‘The Out’ is Rooted in Systematic Ish (but still important)

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a femme and a masc hugging with a white overlay and black text "Giving 'The Out' is Rooted in Systematic Ish (but still important)" and "Chronic Sex"

There are many experiences that transcend illness or disability type. One of those is giving partners ‘the out.’ Having that conversation is, oddly enough, something I’ll never regret. What I do regret is why we’re having these conversations.

For many of us, this conversation comes from a combination of feelings. Those feels, though, are a problem. They come about from insecurity, shitty self-esteem, ableism, and more.

We don’t feel worthy of love because we’re sick or disabled.

I know that feeling well. It sucks. Even more importantly, though, it’s so wrong.

You are so worthy of love. We all are. How much we are loved should never be dependent on our health, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or other factors we can’t change.

Ableism is a jerk

The thing I hate most about internalized ableism is how we can’t always recognize that it’s ableism speaking. We think we’re doing abled people a favor by staying small or assuming they wouldn’t want us as partners.

We’ve taken that message that our health makes us lesser, unable to be partners that truly participate in relationships. Instead of being present in our relationships, we feel guilty that we can’t be the perfect partner. Sometimes we take to praising our abled partners for sticking with us as if they deserve a medal of honor. To save our partners, we don’t share how we really are doing, the pain we’re in. We think we’re being noble when what we’re doing is harming our relationships in the long run.

Of course, the flip side of that ableism is not being seen as desirable from outsiders. It’s not completely their fault – thanks, society! – but it surely doesn’t help when people see us as objects of pity. They don’t understand their privilege, how harmful it is to treat us that way, or really how to be in a relationship with us.

Giving ‘the out’ can still be helpful though

With my husband’s depression and how all-encompassing it can be, I have been able to see both sides of this. It’s hard to be someone’s partner when you know you can’t help heal their wounds. It takes a toll on even the strongest people. That’s part of why I think conversations where we give ‘the out’ – tell our partners it’s okay if they can’t handle our shit – is important.

It brings up conversations about what we feel like we can handle. As hard as it is to say, it can help us weed out people who won’t be there for us when things are hard. There are a lot of people who aren’t dependable when the shit hits the fan. I don’t know about you but knowing that early on is helpful – it tells me to not waste my limited and precious energy on them.

Sometimes it can solidify that we’ve got a great partner, too. In unofficial ways, I’ve given ‘the out’ to my husband a few times. Each time, I get hit with the knowledge that – for the first time in my life – I have unconditional support. My partner, my family, is here for me. That reinforcement is so important for me because I’ve never had that, not in a non-abusive way.

I won’t say it’s completely perfect. To be honest, it’s a little scary – I’m used to everyone leaving at some point or another. Still, to have that kind of support – to know I have a partner who will wash my hair for me when I can’t move my fingers – is comforting. In middle of everything that is so chaotic and unpredictable with my health, having someone serve as a rock is exactly what I need.

Want to support the site? Check out these disabled and hot shirts!

 

S2E3: My #MeToo Story

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

black background with pink dots on the right side surrounding a photo of a person in a dark jacket holding a pink flower; to the left is white text: "Season 2, Episode 3" - pink text: "My #MeToo Story" - white text: "Chronic Sex Podcast"

TW: abuse, sexual harassment, consent violations, #MeToo

Links to support the Clexacon crew (but hurry – the shirt sales end this weekend!!!)
Bree’s amazing rainbow version of the Accessibility Matters tee
Our GoFundMe

Events
Check out the Events tab on Facebook
Playground conference
Good For Her
Safe Healthy Strong

MeToo ish
Rooted in Rights details
I told a #MeToo Story – And I Lost Friends

All music in the episode was from Poddington Bear. You can support the show at Patreon.

My Favorite Podcasts

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a white appearing femme with white headphones around their neck and crossed arms with a white overlay and black text: "MY FAVORITE PODCASTS | CHRONIC SEX"

Let me tell you a secret – I listen to a lot of podcasts. On an average day, I listen to probably 3-4 episodes from various people. If you’re looking for fun podcasts to check out, here are a few of mine.

This Podcast Will Kill You

This podcast is my new obsession! It’s hosted by two Erins who both are graduate students studying disease ecology. Each episode, they share information about a new infectious disease. They cover the cover the biology, transmission, epidemiological history, patient and providers stories, and more. They even create quarantinis – drinks to go with each episode. As a giant science nerd – especially for disease stuff – this is one of my favorite things to listen to. They treat the patient stories with a lot of reverence and respect, something that gives me a ton of hope for the future.

Find them on Twitter, Facebook, Podbean, iTunes, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Wine and Crime

Wine and Crime is a podcast where three friends chug wine, chat true crime, and use their worst Minnesotan accents. One of the things I love is that they cover a range of crimes from road rage to murder and more. Plus, they pair each crime category with a wine – how fun is that? They’re amazing at talking about victims’ lives, calling out patriarchal bullshit (“fucking patriarchy”), and highlight the importance of taking care of your mental health. Each gal has her own amazing personality and, together, they create a setting that just makes you feel like you’re listening to friends – even through the hardest subjects.

Make sure to check out their website, Facebook, Twitter. You can catch the show on SoundCloud, iTunes, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

This Podcast is Haunted

TPIH was one of the first spooky podcasts I found. After listening for two episodes, I became hooked for life. Cate is… basically me, making copious amounts of dick jokes and laughing loudly. Jen is basically T, a little quieter but gets really into it. I’m really lucky in that I’ve gotten to interact with them a bunch, and they’re both incredibly kind and super fun. If you like spooky things with a cupful (ha!) of awesomeness, hurry and check them out!

Check out their Facebook, Twitter, and IG. You can listen to them on Podbean, iTunes, and more.

All Killa No Filla

Rachel Fairburn and Kiri Pritchard-McLean are comedians in the UK who are fascinated by crimes, especially murder. They make sure to highlight in each episode that this is not to glorify criminals, and they recognize how harmful some podcasts can be in swooning all over murderers. Instead, Rachel and Kiri use their humor to discuss these crimes, highlight issues of police inaction and under-action, and more. Plus, I really just love their accents.

Check their Twitter and Facebook, and catch their episodes on Stitcher, iTunes, and more.

S’laughter

Like Rachel and Kiri, Lucy and Emma love to talk about murder. As teachers in the UK, they don’t get to that often. Their podcast discusses crime, murder, education, politics, and a lot more. Through supporting their Patreon, you can vote on topics for the shorter episodes they put out called Slash n Dash. They really do a lot via Patreon, so I definitely recommend it.

Visit their Twitter and Instagram. You can catch their episodes on Podbay, iTunes, and other spots.

Smithsonian Sidedoor

Sidedoor takes a look behind the scenes at one of my favorite gigantic institutions – the Smithsonian. Subjects on episodes they’ve had include rapper J Dilla, Fiona the baby hippo, the Tulsa race riots, lesbian feminists at the beginning of the civil rights movement, Muslims at the start of America, and so much more. Each story is connected to the Smithsonian in an interesting way, too. I highly suggest starting with the Fiona episode because it’s absolutely fascinating. The amount of work it took to get that sweet baby girl to her first birthday in the last two weeks is astounding.

Catch Sidefoor on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else you listen. Don’t forget to check out their site.

And That’s Why We Drink

Each week, Em and Christine – a queer pal and a chronically chill chick – share reasons why they drink. Em is partial to milkshakes while Christine loves her wine. After checking in with each other, Em shares a paranormal story and Christine shares one laced with true crime. Once a month, they share listener stories, too. They’re pretty fun to listen to – plus, Christine’s puppy Gio is the subject of a million and one conversations. He is adorable.

Make sure to catch their show on iTunes, Spotify, and elsewhere. For adorable Gio pictures, follow them on Facebook, Twitter, and check out their site.

Mirths and Monsters

The first thing you have to know about MandM is that it’s run by Kevin. He’s a super supporter of And That’s Why We Drink which is how I found his podcast. He and his companion dog Finn (so cute) take a less-than-serious look at mythical creatures and legends. Kev also shares original stories in addition to interviewing mythical creatures. And it’s all done in his amazing Scottish accent.

Check out the show on Podbean, iTunes, and other spots. Make sure to visit Kev on Twitter and Facebook, too.

Myths and Legends

Jason started M&L because of his love of English lit, history, and folklore. He’s covered a lot, from Greek and Roman myths to true stories of Apache warriors. One of my favorite parts, though, is that Jason tells stories like I do, bringing them into the present a little more than they usually are. It’s really fun, and one of my favorite things to listen to when I can’t sleep. He has another one called Fictional where he reads things like Macbeth.

Follow M&L on Twitter, check out their site, and catch episodes on iTunes or wherever else you listen.

True Crime Obsessed

TCO has one of the coolest premises – they watch documentaries around true crimes and talk about them. It’s super fun! One of my favorite things is that Patrick and Gillian are both into the theater which means we usually break into song about the same time in each episode. Some episodes are sad, some make you mad, and others are just hilarious.

Visit their site, Facebook page, or Twitter. You can catch episodes on iTunes, Audioboom, and more.

Women at Warp

WaW is a podcast that discusses Star Trek in its many forms, touching on feminist and social justice issues. I’m one of those people that have to be in the right mindset to listen, so I don’t always listen to them as often as I should. Episodes I’ve been meaning to catch include those covering sexual agency, LGBTQ+ issues, indigenous representation, and Klingon women. They have a wonderful one on disability, and I hope they’ll come back to that topic soon.

You can catch episodes on iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever else you snag podcasts. Make sure to check out their site, Facebook page, and Twitter, too!

There are other great podcasts out there for sure. What are some of yours?

Awareness Calendar for February

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

black background with left-sided red text "Awareness Calendar for February" and white text under that "Chronic Sex" - to the right is a photo of green world with a heart cut out with red dots above and below it

Month:

  • Age-Related Macular Degeneration
  • Black History
  • Children’s Dental
  • Heart
  • Low Vision
  • Marfan Syndrome
  • Prenatal Infection Protection
  • Rare Disease
  • Turner Syndrome

Day/week:

  • Wear Red for Women’s Heart Health Day (2)
  • World Cancer Day (4)
  • Burn Awareness Week (4-10)
  • Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week (7-14)
  • Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy Awareness Week (13-19)
  • Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day (14)
  • National Donor Day (14)
  • National Condom Day (14)
  • National Heart Valve Disease Awareness Day (22)
  • Eating Disorder Awareness Week (26-Mar 4)
  • Rare Disease Day (28)

Please Don’t Call Me Girlfriend: Treat Your GNC Pals With Care

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a person's calves down to their feet; they're wearing jeans, white socks, and red converse sneakers while standing in the grass with blue sky behind them; a white overlay with black text: "Please Don't Call Me Girlfriend_ Treat Your GNC Pals With Care" and "Chronic Sex"

Whenever someone calls me a ‘sister’ or ‘girlfriend,’ I die a little more inside.

In late 2016, I came out as genderfluid. Since then, I’ve struggled a lot with my identity. One of the most difficult things is dealing with how others see and address me.

Most people I knew before coming out still see me as a woman, regardless of coming out to them. People who say they support my decision to come out or praise me for being ‘brave’ still use gendered terms towards me. I don’t correct people because I know that it’s an adjustment. It hurts, though.

It’s even a part of why I haven’t switched to pronouns other than she/her. I know too many people won’t get it – even other sex educators – and I’ll have to deal with stroking people’s egos while ignoring my own open wounds.

The oddest experiences are the ones where people will address me and a group of cisgender gals. The person might backtrack but, when they do, it’s always with a humorous tone like: “Oh wait, does that not apply to you now?” This hurts even worse.

If you’re serious about asking those questions, you don’t do it with humor in your voice. You apologize once, ask seriously, and keep it in mind for the future. You don’t give ten minute long explanations that require the misgendered person to soothe your feelings, centering yourself instead of them.

There are people that can use gendered terms towards me without it being as uncomfortable. Generally, though, that’s my family – T, my sister, my niblings, my closest friends, etc. It’s funny, though, because my closest friends are mostly gender-nonconforming, too. My sister and I have always used male and female terms towards each other. Since we were little, we called each other dude, bitch, and more. Plus, she’s asked if those things bother me. She cares if they do.

It doesn’t seem like many others do. And that’s why this hurts so much.

This article from The Body Is Not An Apology says it best:

“When you misgender me, you tell me many things. You tell me that you know who I am better than I know myself. You tell me you are not safe or trustworthy. You tell me you have scrutinized my physical appearance, made invasive extrapolations, and sorted me without my consent into a category based on your conclusions.”

(I highly suggest reading that full article. It talks about the fear about correcting misgendering comments and more.)

Please don’t call me sister or girlfriend or whatnot. If you’re not sure about using a phrase towards me, ask me. If you mess up, apologize and make a note of it for the future.

Further reading on misgendering

S2E2: Passion by Kait with Kait Scalisi, MPH

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a fabulous femme with a striped shirt on and smiling; green overlay at bottom with white text: "chronic sex podcast season 2 episode 1 Passion by Kait with Kait Scalisi, MPH"

I am so excited to share the next episode of the podcast – too excited to make you wait until next week!

Kait is an amazing sex educator and chronically fabulous human being. She’s one of my favorite people in the world, and we twin out a lot. If you’re interested in the amazing mindful sex workshop Kait mentions in the episode, note that it’s happening on February 1st. You can snag tickets here.

You can find the episode below, on SoundCloud, iTunes, or your favorite podcast app. Enjoy!