Category: gender

Ways You Can Help Trans, Non-binary, and GNC People

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Updated on Oct 30, 2018

Content note: this post contains anti-trans sentiments, fucking cishet patriarchy bullshit, food, suicide/crisis hotline & violence mentions. If you need help, you can call 877-565-8860 (US), 877-330-6366 (Canada), or find resources in your country here. Unless I know someone’s pronouns, I use ‘they’ to be most neutral.

trans flag with purple text boxes on top and white text: "Ways You Can Help Trans, Non-binary, and GNC People" - "Chronic Sex"

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a few days. Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to sit down and really work on it, though.

There are over a million and a half (roughly) trans, non-binary, or gender non-conforming people in the United States. Unfortunately, we’re far from tolerated – people want us dead. This is not embellishment by any means. We’re very rightly afraid for our lives and well-being.

Along with removing trans people from the health department site, the Department of Justice has told the Supreme Court that discriminating against trans people in the workplace doesn’t violate federal law. And, now, this administration is trying to strong-arm the United Nations to change ‘gender-based violence’ to ‘violence against women,’ effectively eliminating protections for us around the world.

We have very few rights around the world as it is, and it’s terrifying to see people willing to roll them back. You can’t say you’re doing things to protect the country while attacking literally everyone who isn’t a allocishet dyadic abled rich while man.

I know that people are wondering what we can do in the face of this stuff. Well, like I did last year for natural disasters, I did what I do best – pulled together ways you can help. I hope to keep this post updated for the foreseeable future while we’re facing terrifying odds, and will add a note at the top with when I’ve last updated.

 

photo of people at a rally with a transparent purple overlay and white text: "ACTION"

 

VOTE

I know not everyone is able to vote. I won’t shame y’all for that, but apathy? That won’t do. Until the purge starts (which is a terrifying thought), the most power we have is through exercising our rights to vote, protect, and speak up. Please do so.

There are a record number of trans and queer candidates this year. Take a minute and seee if any trans candidates are up for election in your neck of the woods.

Contact Your Reps

A super easy way to do this is through ResistBot. All you have to do is text RESIST to 50409 – or send it to them via Facebook Messenger – and they’ll help you contact your local and national officials. What I really like about this is that it makes it easy to keep in touch with officials. They’ll also text you to remind you to speak up, and that’s pretty great for us brain fog peeps.

Of course, if you can visit or call on your own, that’s awesome, too! You can double check who you’re represented by here.

As a quick heads up, email isn’t as effective even though it’s easy. That’s why I like ResistBot and how they turn your text into calls or faxes.

Whatever way works best, just make sure to do it.

Educate Yourself

There are a lot of people who would like to be better allies to the trans/GNC community. The best way to do that is either to ask one of us open to sharing information with you or educate yourself. It shouldn’t always be on a marginalized group to educate privileged people about their oppression, especially when there are so many resources out there if you search correctly or find the right kinds of sites to learn from.

GLAAD has a great primer on how to be a better ally. I’ve got a post about genders you should check out, too.

Other sites that have great pieces:

Educate Others

After you’ve learned about trans issues, take steps to correct misconceptions. Take a stand because, unless people learn, we can’t move forward. When you hear transphobic/misic remarks, spend time to share the true with people.

Sometimes, that means speaking up in public. Other times, that might mean being the uncomfortable voice of truth at Thanksgiving. Honestly, it’s the best way to feel like you’ve earned pie!

Speak Out

Come with us to rallies and protests. Go with us when it’s dangerous. Check in on us.

Use any privileges you have – especially if you’re cis – to tell people about how gender isn’t a binary, immigrants aren’t evil, and more.

Standby

When we’re able to formally comment against the legislation, we’ll need allies to help make an impact. You can follow the Transgender Law Center for more information on Facebook, Twitter, or through their site or email list.

Volunteer

You can find spaces near you to volunteer, thanks to The Trevor Project.

 

 

photo of change in the background with a transparent purple text box and white text: "DONATE"

 

Continue reading “Ways You Can Help Trans, Non-binary, and GNC People” →

A Starter List of Genders & Gender Terms

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

a photo of a person in a grey sweatshirt laying down looking up at us as if we are the sky; a teal overlay is on the left with white text: " A Starter List of Genders & Gender Terms " and " Chronic Sex "; between both texts is a black genderqueer icon

Gender is a complicated topic. People who aren’t familiar with the history of gender aren’t usually aware of how many genders have existed throughout history in a variety of cultures. Instead, they claim things like only two genders exist or that trans people are inherently misogynistic.

Anyone who is anything other than men and women get side-eyes and judgment over acceptance and conversation. People don’t understand what it’s like to be non-binary or why we might use other pronouns.

First, some terms

A couple of terms that will be important to understanding gender overall:

AFAB: Assigned female at birth.

AMAB: Assigned male at birth.

Femme: This can be a short-hand for feminine. Femmes usually have a more feminine gender expression. A person of any gender can be femme.

Intersex: Someone who was born with a combination of male and female anatomy and/or chromosomes. The antonym for intersex is Dyadic: Someone who is not intersex.

Masc: This can be a short-hand for masculine or someone who has a more masculine gender expression. A person of any gender can be masc.

This is not to be confused with mask, which everyone should be wearing in the year of our lord 2020.

Gender expression: how someone expresses or performs their gender; includes hairstyle, clothing, and accessories.

 

Gender Terms

Agender or gender neutrois: Does not have a gender.

Androgynous: Appearing gender neutral.

Aporagender: A strong gender identity that is neither male nor female.

Bigender: Encompassing male and female gender identities. Ambigender is a similar term.

Butch: A more masculine gender expression from someone who is AFAB.

Cisgender: Someone who identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth.

Demigender: Non-binary but feeling that one is partly a certain gender.

Demiboy: Feeling partially like a boy.

Demigirl: Feeling partially like a girl.

Genderfluid: Someone who does not have a fixed gender, but feels as though their gender is a range.

Gender neutral: Someone who doesn’t feel as though they’re one gender or another. This can be a term applied to items as well, such as gender-neutral bathrooms, etc.

Gender non-conforming (GNC): Someone who doesn’t conform to societal gender ideas or the gender binary.

Genderqueer: Someone who is GNC and defies gender norms by identifying as no gender, bigender, or some combination or a variety of genders.

Intergender: An intersex-specific gender identity denoting a combination of masc/femme gender identities similar to genderqueer or androgynous.

Metrosexual: A cisgender man who pays more attention to his appearance. This term peaked in the early 2000’s and is now rarely used due to a growing understanding of various genders and gender roles.

Non-binary: Someone who does not fit into the gender binary.

Pangender: Being more than one gender, or being all genders.

What about transgender people?

Some people who aren’t cisgender feel comfortable using the label transgender. Not everyone does. That means that someone who is non-binary may not want to use trans terms for themselves. Please respect that.

Here are more trans-specific terms:

  • Transgender: Someone who was assigned a certain gender at birth but is not that gender; literally just the opposite of cisgender
    • Trans man: Someone who was assigned female at birth and is a man. This does not require any HRT or surgery. Additional terms include trans masc or FTM (female-to-male).
    • Trans woman: Someone who was assigned male at birth and is a woman. This does not require any HRT or surgery. Additional terms include trans femme or MTF (male-to-female).
  • Transitioning: The process of matching one’s body to one’s gender. The gender affirming process is often a long and difficult one. It is important to keep in mind that not everyone can or wants to undergo any or all of these steps.
    • Gender-affirming hormone treatment (HRT): Hormones are started to help the development of desired gender traits. This can include estrogen, antiandrogens, progesterone, testosterone, androgens, antiestrogens, and more.
    • Surgeries
      • Top surgery: Surgery to alter a person’s chest. Depending on the person’s gender, this can be breast augmentation, breast reduction, or a bilateral mastectomy and chest reconstruction.
      • Bottom surgery: There are a variety of surgeries that may be needed for bottom surgery. Patients may need a hysterectomy, bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy, vaginectomy, penectomy, and/or orchiectomy. A vaginoplasty creates a vagina and vulva from the patient’s penis and surrounding material. Surgeries that aid in the creation of a penis can include scrotoplasty, metoidioplasty, and phalloplasty.
      • Additional surgery: Surgery can be had to assist with the following: facial feminization, vocal feminization, tracheal shave, and buttock augmentation.

Additional terms

  • Cishet: Cisgender and heterosexual.
  • Cisheterosexism: The societal favoring of cisgender and heterosexual people.
  • Cissexism: The societal favoring of cisgender people.
  • Drag: People of one gender who dress up as another gender for performances.
  • Genderism: A belief in the gender binary or that there are only two genders.
  • Mx (mix): A gender-neutral replacement for Miss/Ms., Mister/Mr., or Misses/Mrs.
  • Stealth: Someone who is trans but not ‘out’ about their gender.
  • Transmisia: Bigotry or discrimination against transgender people.

Avoid these terms

(unless you’re personally reclaiming a slur or someone you know is and has okayed these terms to be used in reference to them)

  • Preferred pronouns: Pronouns aren’t preferred or optional. They’re required in respectful relationships.
  • Sodomite, deviant, diseased, perverted: These terms have been used to ‘other’ people under the LGBTQ+ umbrella for ages.
  • Transgendered: Transgender is a noun, not a verb. The correct term would be someone who is transgender.
  • Transgenders: This removes someone’s humanity. The correct term here would be transgender (or trans) people.
  • A transgender: This removes someone’s humanity. Use a transgender (or trans) person.
  • Tranny/trannie: A shortened form of transgender, generally used as a slur.
  • Transsexual: This is an outdated term for trans people.
  • Transvestite: An outdated term for a cross-dresser.
  • Sex change or pre-op/post-op: These phrases place the focus on the state of a person’s genitals, not their gender.
  • She-male, he-she, it: These phrases remove a person’s humanity.
  • Passing: Someone whose gender expression matches assumptions about what people of their gender look like. This is usually used to refer to someone who is transgender but can ‘pass’ as cisgender. Because of the harm of a focus on passing, this is not a favored term in non-cisgender circles.
  • Fooling/pretending/trap: This is often used when someone feels as though they’ve been fooled by someone of another gender (generally a transgender person). There are those whose transmisia runs deep enough that they believe trans people try to fool or trick them into relationships. No person pretends to be another gender for those reasons.
  • Non-females: This term is othering to trans and gender-expansive people. Additionally, female is a term for sex not gender. It should never be used, especially in spaces focused on equity.

Want to learn more about sexuality and attraction? Click here.

Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1.2: The GP’s Office & IUD Visit

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

In my post yesterday, I talked about coming out to my GP’s office.

My IUD appointment was… it went as well as it could go. I’m still unpacking my feels around that and will post them in the future.

After inserting my IUD, the PA asked what pronouns I use. She mentioned that there was a new spot in our EHR to add those in. While she was doing that, she asked about my orientation and if I wanted that noted.

Since she was adding things – and in the interest of being forthcoming – I mentioned that we are moving towards nonmonogamy. I also stated I hadn’t had any new partners as of yet, though.

Now everyone in one of my health systems will be able to see these identities in my chart. It’s nice to not have the pressure of specifically coming out to each provider, but I’m also guessing I’ll have to update people. This also doesn’t cover the people in the other health system that I see.

The PA was super affirming, and I’m grateful that she’s aware of what’s going on. She also does a ton of work with advocating for the LGBT+ community within our larger healthcare community. It’ll be really nice to continue to develop a relationship with her and see what I can help with, too.

Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1: The GP’s Office

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of pride rainbow colored construction paper in the background with a black transparent text box and white text: " Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1: The GP's Office " and " Chronic Sex "

Today – actually, literally right as this gets posted – I’ll be getting an IUD placed. You’re probably wondering how I got here.

The hubs and I have known for a while that we didn’t want kids.  I’ve known this for a long time. Despite knowing this, my GP had expressed concerns over making any large decisions about my reproductive system.

Fast forward a year and a half later, and my migraines are running rampant. I know that taking estrogen every single day – as a part of taking continuous birth control – isn’t helping. I also know regularly having periods is not an option for me. My arthritic hands don’t handle them well. My pain levels go through the roof. It’s not a good thing.

Cue finally making an appointment with my GP’s PA to talk about other options.

Hubs had the day off so I brought him with because, sometimes, it helps me feel braver. It’s really easy for me to drop things and lose my resolve sometimes.

I knew that I would likely need to come out about my genderfluidity.

Yes, that’s right, me – a patient activist and sex toy tester – had not come out to them yet. I haven’t come out to any HCP about any of my identities, aside from being a sex educator. They have a lot to catch up on.

Instead of trying to hide it as I might have in the past, I was upfront. I said, in different words, that “I’m genderfluid and struggle with dysphoria. While I want to limit my migraine potential – and dysphoria – by removing extra estrogen, I also don’t want children.”

While the MA didn’t seem to necessarily enjoy hearing about me coming out, I’m grateful that the PA did. She happened to be wearing a Pride-colored Staff of Asclepius on her coat, which I didn’t notice until about halfway through the appointment.

In the end, we decided that the best options were either to get a hysterectomy or an IUD. Since we can treat the IUD as a stepping stone – because I can always have them steal my uterus later – it just made sense to try that first. I’m getting Liletta which is similar to Mirena.

As things move along, my goal will be to go through the coming out process each of my identities to each of my HCPs. They need that information to be able to treat me most effectively. I recognize the privilege I have to be able to go through the coming out process… but also recognize the fear and stigma that kept me quiet for so long. Hopefully, by documenting both getting an IUD and coming out, I can help erase some of those barriers for others.

I really hope I’m able to be brave during this appointment and let them know about recent decisions around nonmonogamy, too.

Don’t Invalidate Someone’s Gender

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

black background with a maroon text box at the bottom; white text in the middle: " Don't Invalidate Someone's Gender " and at bottom " Chronic Sex "

I went to a munch a few weeks ago. There were a few things that bothered me. One thing I overheard still pops into my head from time to time:

“That doesn’t look very genderfluid to me.”

The fuck?

A group of a few people, including one of the munch runners, were huddled around a phone. While there was a lot of chatter, this one comment rose above the rest of the noise.

As the newbie, I already felt insecure. I dressed up a little bit which, for me, means also looking more femme. That’s what fits my body best right now. I don’t know who this comment was about. I know my Fetlife says I’m genderfluid, and I had RSVP’d on there.

Hearing this comment aimed at my physical direction hurt.

Every single time I fear I’m invalidating my gender by dressing a certain way, I hear their voice in my head. My gender dysphoria loves these kinds of comments. It latches onto them to invalidate every feel about myself that I have.

Let’s get this straight – while I don’t know if this was a comment about me, it’s still inappropriate. You don’t invalidate someone’s gender based on their gender expression. You don’t invalidate their gender, period.

Gender isn’t for you to judge

Genderfluid means different things to different people. For me, it’s about not being pinned down. I can be femme one day, masc another, and something completely different that third day. I’m neither a woman or a man – I’m just me. It’s about having control over how we’re perceived and how we display ourselves in a way that’s outside the binary.

Being more femme in certain instances or spaces doesn’t make me less genderfluid than someone else who uses that label. Our community is so used to getting shit on from the outside – why are we doing it to each other?

On top of that, the person I went to the munch to meet? He ignored me for a while. Then, he was very interested in being incredibly touchy without checking in about boundaries. After that, he freaked out at me for not messaging him by the next morning. Considering everything we have to fear from cis dudes, it’s completely turned me off of spending time with people I don’t really know.

It’s scary. This is why so many of us ghost people. If I stand up for myself here, I run the risk of being harmed.

Being a sex educator in these spaces is funky

It’s interesting moving through these spaces as a sex educator. I notice each boundary violation, each time someone looks uncomfortable, and each time someone is an asshole. I feel the sliminess in-person before I even get shitty messages afterward… messages that make me uncomfortable around cis dudes.

I’ll be honest – I’m grateful that I usually can’t make this munch. Between this dude being creepy touchy with me and these kinds of comments, it makes me wonder if I can even find a comfortable space locally. Can I find a queer, sex-positive, boundary-affirming space that isn’t full of toxic masculinity and ableism?

I feel so much more comfortable among my fellow sex educators.

It’s part of why I haven’t done much more locally. I’m so looking forward to Poly Dallas in July and being around my people. I know I’ll be seen as myself and won’t have to deal with so much judgment.

Please Don’t Call Me Girlfriend: Treat Your GNC Pals With Care

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a person's calves down to their feet; they're wearing jeans, white socks, and red converse sneakers while standing in the grass with blue sky behind them; a white overlay with black text: "Please Don't Call Me Girlfriend_ Treat Your GNC Pals With Care" and "Chronic Sex"

Whenever someone calls me a ‘sister’ or ‘girlfriend,’ I die a little more inside.

In late 2016, I came out as genderfluid. Since then, I’ve struggled a lot with my identity. One of the most difficult things is dealing with how others see and address me.

Most people I knew before coming out still see me as a woman, regardless of coming out to them. People who say they support my decision to come out or praise me for being ‘brave’ still use gendered terms towards me. I don’t correct people because I know that it’s an adjustment. It hurts, though.

It’s even a part of why I haven’t switched to pronouns other than she/her. I know too many people won’t get it – even other sex educators – and I’ll have to deal with stroking people’s egos while ignoring my own open wounds.

The oddest experiences are the ones where people will address me and a group of cisgender gals. The person might backtrack but, when they do, it’s always with a humorous tone like: “Oh wait, does that not apply to you now?” This hurts even worse.

If you’re serious about asking those questions, you don’t do it with humor in your voice. You apologize once, ask seriously, and keep it in mind for the future. You don’t give ten minute long explanations that require the misgendered person to soothe your feelings, centering yourself instead of them.

There are people that can use gendered terms towards me without it being as uncomfortable. Generally, though, that’s my family – T, my sister, my niblings, my closest friends, etc. It’s funny, though, because my closest friends are mostly gender-nonconforming, too. My sister and I have always used male and female terms towards each other. Since we were little, we called each other dude, bitch, and more. Plus, she’s asked if those things bother me. She cares if they do.

It doesn’t seem like many others do. And that’s why this hurts so much.

This article from The Body Is Not An Apology says it best:

“When you misgender me, you tell me many things. You tell me that you know who I am better than I know myself. You tell me you are not safe or trustworthy. You tell me you have scrutinized my physical appearance, made invasive extrapolations, and sorted me without my consent into a category based on your conclusions.”

(I highly suggest reading that full article. It talks about the fear about correcting misgendering comments and more.)

Please don’t call me sister or girlfriend or whatnot. If you’re not sure about using a phrase towards me, ask me. If you mess up, apologize and make a note of it for the future.

Further reading on misgendering

Photo with trans flag hanging on right side; left side has a blue text box with white line around the outside and black text "Are you trans, nonbinary, or otherwise non-cisgender? Are you 18+ and living in the USA? Click here to try out and provide feedback about an affirming resource aimed at improving wellbeing for trans people! The research study is anonymous and will take 30-45 minutes. You will have a chance to be entered into a lottery for one of five $50 incentives, either as an Amazon Gift Card or donation to Trans Lifeline, your choice!"; bottom righthand corner has black text as well "bit.ly/trans-wellness-study"

Trans Wellness Study

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Caitlin Merrill from the University of California-Santa Barbara is conducting a study around an internet-based intervention to improve the psychological well-being of trans peeps.

You will be asked to complete a series of online activities, answer questions about wellbeing, including questions about distress and drug and alcohol use, and provide demographic information. Activities may include reading text, reflecting on your previous experiences, responding to open-ended questions, listening to audio recordings, and watching videos. Because some of the activities may require the use of audio and video capabilities, and the personal nature of the questions you will be asked, we recommend completing this study in a private location.

If you have any questions or comments regarding this study, please contact Caitlin Merrill by email (caitlinmerrill@ucsb.edu) or Tania Israel by e-mail (tisrael@ucsb.edu) or by phone at (805) 893-5008. If you have any questions regarding the rights of research participants, the UCSB Human Subjects Committee can be contacted at 805-893-3807.

This text was pulled from the study description. If you’re interested in participating, please click here. I will say that the videos used do use text without speaking audio. However, because of that, these videos are not accessible for those with visual difficulties. Other videos with speaking audio rely on the YouTube captioning system, that isn’t exact. If you’d like to participate still, though, please reach out to Caitlin or Tania using the contact information above to inquire about accessible options.

Dark background with a photo of a person laying down holding their legs at the knees; legs are crossed obstructing the view of the bum; white text states "chronic sex" and below "Am I *really* trans instead of cis? A discussion of my journey with gender identity"

Am I *really* trans instead of cis?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

TW: sexual assault/abuse, gender dysphoria. This originally appeared on our Medium page.

I have struggled with my gender for all of my life.

[1998–2000ish: Kirsten on a Ferris Wheel during a sunny day, holding the pole in the middle; she has long hair blowing in her face, round John Lennon-eque glasses, a striped white/blue/green shirt, and she is smiling]

As a pre-teen, I was very much a tomboy and began to wonder what I would look like as a male. I would dress up in my uncle’s clothing to see how I would look.

TBH, I was really fucking cute.

In high school, I learned to use my body for sexual attention. I got into clothing that showed off a lot of my body. Still, during any given school week, I would wear more tomboy-esque clothing two days and very feminine clothing two days. The remaining day was probably spent wearing my PJs to school if it wasn’t one of those two options.

[2005, high school senior picture: Kirsten sits on a stone bench with white pants and a teal/dark blue striped collared shirt; she is looking up towards the camera while smiling; she has long hair that goes from dark brown to blondeish at the ends]

When I was in college, I finally told my mother about some sexual abuse I had gone through years earlier. During that conversation, I brought up that I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body often.

“Don’t you ever say that to me, ever again.”

Just in case you needed more proof of my family’s conservativeness, Ted Cruz and my mother follow each other on Twitter.

[2006/2007, Freshman in college: Kirsten is taking a selfie; she is wearing a white button up dress shirt with a grey waistcoat and white lacy bra; she has short dark hair and is standing in front of a dark blue wall with an abstract art poster]

It was really hard to share both of those things with my mother. When I came out as bi/pan on social media, she assumed it was because of my abuse and literally never talked to me about it. I never officially ‘came out’ to her about anything.

I never felt like I fully wanted to be a man, so I really didn’t bring it up to anyone again.

As I started learning more about gender identities and was exposed to them — thanks, Queer Ghost Hunters! — I realized I was genderqueer or genderfluid. I had fellow sex educators recognize this without it being verbally communicated and have had others pick up on this as well. When I began explaining my gender identity with these terms, people were fairly accepting. Overall, it was handled pretty well.

[2016: a photo of Kirsten holding her right arm up in front of her mouth with her hand in a fist, back of the hand facing out with the words “Weird Queer Fat” written on it in black sharpie; a rainbow bracelet is on her wrist; she is making a neutral, though kind of sad, face with her blue eyes staring out piercingly; she has on a grey tee and has dark brownish purpleish hair spiked into a faux hawk]

Like many people who are not cisgender, I face gender dysphoria. One of the biggest things that has helped me are videos from Chase. This one, on gender dysphoria, is one I especially like:

Chase documents criteria for a dysphoria diagnosis in adults (need 2/6):

  • Difference between assigned and expressed gender
  • Want to get rid of primary/secondary sex characteristics
  • Want primary/secondary sex characteristics of other gender
  • Want to be other gender
  • Want to be treated as other gender
  • Feel as though you have the typical feels/reactions of other gender

What’s interesting to me about this is I often wonder if I’m really and truly non-cis or if I’m somehow making things up. This is, no doubt, a result of being raised in a household full of abuse and gaslighting. I try to gaslight myself about what my experiences are, who I’m attracted to, and what I want to do with my life. Why would my gender identity be any different, right?

Do I really want to be male? Do I want to be treated as male? Do I act male? I don’t know.

After all, there are plenty of times when I can embrace my femme side.

[2017: color pic of Kirsten laying down tangled in sheets (which cover the good bits) on a white bed with short red hair; pic is taken from end of the bed so K is upside down, legs crossed and bent at the knees, right hand on sheet on chest, and left hand up beside her head; she’s smiling/laughing]

Being genderfluid doesn’t necessarily mean that I would do away with femme features for more non-binary ones. Sure, that’s part of why my hair is short. How I express my gender changes daily — and can change from moment to moment. In those respects, not much has changed since high school or college. The biggest thing is that I am finally embracing being a member of the LGBTQQIA+ community — and that winds up making me unapologetically queer.

You know, in addition to being unapologetically disabled and super justice/rights oriented… which then makes me concerned for my safety in this time of Cheeto-encrusted fascism.

I am certainly not cisgender and that’s permanent. With things changing for me all the time — especially how I feel about my body from an illness/disability perspective — I don’t feel like transitioning is something I can safely do or that I need to do at this point.

Some people don’t feel like that’s a valid trans identity, but it is.

[2017: pic of Kirsten from above, sitting on a dark wooden floor with white moulding and a blueish background; she has her legs bent criss-cross style, though not completely, and is looking down at/playing with her hands; she has on black jeans, a gray tee shirt with white text “Let’s talk about sex — Vibrant” and her white Converse are visible; her hair is reddish-purpleish]

I don’t know what the answer is to my struggles with my gender identity. Some days, I want shaved legs. Other days, having smooth legs just contributes to the dysphoria and anxiety I feel about not feel like I own my body (more than when my body causes itself pain and harm).

For right now, trans and genderfluid both fit me well. And that’s enough.

sepia-toned photo of two people holding hands - only the hands are really visible against a desert-like backdrop - both hands have a lot of jewelry on them - a white overlay on top has black text over it asking "Are You Tired of Cishet Studies on Relationships and Pain, Too" and the same setup below says "chronic sex"

Are You Tired of Cishet Studies on Relationships and Pain, Too?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

I was really excited to see a new study come out saying that a touch from our partners can help relieve pain. It’s one of those obvious things, especially to anyone who knows about how our brains release oxytocin. The hormone has long been known to relieve pain as well as being the ‘love’ hormone.

It increases bonding between people, especially when they’re physically close to each other. For example, it’s released during sexual activity!

I wanted to know more about the study, so I turned to their free journal article on NCBI.

Write-ups don’t tell the whole story

One thing I found interesting was that the study is also heavily focused on empathy. Sure, a loved one hugging you while you’re in pain may help – but it helps more if they care you’re in pain, too.

Additionally, they studied both respiratory and cardiac response in both partners as well. Heart and breathing rates in the non-pain partners tended to try to match those of the pain partners when touch was involved. When pain happened without touch, this didn’t happen.

Anyway, I was excited to see that someone verified something a lot of patients and providers have known for a long time…

Until, you know, I realized this study was only done on cishet couples.

Why are studies always on cishet couples?

From the study write-up:

Dr. Goldstein and colleagues gathered 22 heterosexual couples for their study, who were all aged between 23 and 32.

The researchers asked the couples to participate in a range of tests that replicated the experience of being in a delivery room.

The female participants were assigned the role of “pain receiver,” while the men were “pain observers.”

There’s some good ol’ fashioned sexism in here, too, right?

Barf.

In their limitations section in the journal article, researchers discuss how only females underwent pain and males were the outside partner. They do suggest that there need to be similar studies on same-sex couples, but neither address any other LGBTQIA+ community nor why they chose only cishet couples to begin with.

It’s 2017. Why is it that LGBTQIA+ people still aren’t being involved in research? How meaningful is research when it leaves out an increasingly sizeable chunk of the population?

We need inclusive research

KLB Research logo with tagline: valuing diversity in academic research

I had the pleasure of seeing Dr. Karen Blair of KLB Research speak at the Guelph Sexuality Conference.

Karen was in college when she discovered she was a lesbian. As a result of taking sexuality courses, she began wondering why cishet couples were always the ones in research and books. So, like all great innovators, she started doing the research that needed to happen.

Dr. Blair even did a study right after the Pulse massacre to understand how this was affecting the LGBTQIA+ community. Listening to her speak about the Pulse study was incredibly profound. There’s even a follow-up study accepting participants.

What can we do?

We need more people like Karen – and more awareness of the work she and others do on inclusive research.

Share studies looking for participants whenever you can. Support or participate in The Pride Study. Stay tuned for when ORCHIDS gets going.

Demand more representation. When studies come out and don’t include anyone other than white cishet abled middle-class Americans, we have to speak up and share that this is not reality. This is not inclusive research.

Edit: Our pals over at Clara Health just wrote about the lack of LGBTQQIA2+ representation in studies. Check it out.

What is the Pride Study?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

The Pride Study is the first large-scale and long-term study of health in the LGBTQIA+ population.

In the end, doctors and scientists at the University of California-San Francisco are going to use the Pride Study to better understand – and then work to improve – the health of the LGBTQIA+ community at large.

One of the biggest problems in tracking health within our community is that gender identity and sexual orientation are often removed from our data – if they’re even collected. That means there’s just no way to find those in our community and track their health over time.

Eligibility

To be eligible, you have to live in the United States and identify as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. You can check your eligibility status here. If you know someone who would qualify but does not have internet access, they can call 855-421-9991 to sign up.

What do I have to do?

All you have to do is fill out a survey that takes about half an hour once a year. That’s it!

If you are not a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and would like to support this study financially, please visit their donate page. If you live in the United States and want to volunteer for Pride Net – regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation – check out their volunteer page.

How easy is it?

I signed up since I’m genderqueer and pansexual. I found that it was really easy and very accessible. You can even connect a FitBit, Withings, or Jawbone Up to provide even more data.

Your dashboard also gives you statistics on how the research participant pool looks right now in relation to your own identities. As of June 3rd, 16% of people in the study identified as genderqueer and 15% identified as pansexual.

I have to say, though, 77% of participants as of that date are white. Let’s get some diversity!

You can learn more about PRIDENet, the team, and find answers to many questions at pridestudy.org. For more info on the study, check out this PDF.