Awareness Calendar for June

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a sunset with white text: " Awareness Calendar for June - Chronic Sex "

June is here, and summer is very much upon us. This week, the temperature has been consistently between 85-95 F.

Here is what this month is about:

  • Adult Sex-Ed
  • African-American Music Appreciation
  • Alzheimer’s and brain
  • Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome
  • Aphasia
  • Cancer from the Sun
  • Caribbean-American Heritage
  • Cataract
  • Child Vision
  • Childhood Cancer
  • Congenital Cytomegalovirus
  • Hernia
  • Hunger
  • Infertility (world)
  • LGBTQIA+ Pride
  • Men’s Health
  • Migraine & Headache
  • Myasthenia Gravis
  • PTSD
  • Scleroderma
  • Scoliosis
  • Vision Research

Specific days/weeks:

  • World Hypoparathyroidism Awareness Day (1)
  • National Cancer Survivors Day (3)
  • National Headache Awareness Week (4-10)
  • HIV Long-Term Survivors Day (5)
  • Caribbean-American HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (8)
  • Cervical Screening Awareness Week (11-17)
  • Men’s Health Week (11-17)
  • World Blood Donor Day (14)
  • Autistic Pride Day (18)
  • World Sickle Cell Day (19)
  • Helen Keller Deaf-Blind Awareness Week (24-30)
  • National HIV Testing Day (27)

Review: Real Nude Ergo Silicone Suction Cup Dildo and Mini Silicone Suction Cup Dildo by Blush Novelties

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

rectangle graphic with pink on left with yellow and white text: " Review: Real Nude Ergo Silicone Suction Cup Dildo and Mini Silicone Suction Cup Dildo by Blush Novelties Chronic Sex " and a photo of two indigo dildos on the right

Disclaimer: I was given these products for free in exchange for my honest review.

It’s been ages since Peepshow Toys sent me these two Blush dildos to review. Now that my pelvic pain is mostly under control, it’s nice to get back to doing reviews.

And having orgasms without wanting to die.

You know, the little things.

The Basics

Both dildos are beautiful and matte. They’re made of silicone with a suction cup on the end. Both also come with a storage pouch which is good because they pick up hair like there’s no tomorrow. There is a small bump where the testicles would be along with some small veiny features, a little urethra, and a soft head.

The larger dildo is 7.5 inches long and 1.5 inches wide. The mini is 7.2 inches long and 1.3 inches wide.

Testing

I’m not gonna lie – half of testing was singing into the dildos like microphones to Bob’s Burgers’ songs or figuring out how much I could bend them. The silicone is really fun to play with, especially combined with a harder center.

I tested these with Good Clean Love’s CaraGold lube. It’s no longer in stores as they’re revamping the formula after some issues. I’ll definitely let y’all know when it’s back in stock!

Going into this, I thought the smaller one would be more of my thing. After all, I haven’t been using larger insertable toys lately. I actually really enjoyed them both! I could see where the smaller one might feel a little irritating for some people since it’s an irregular size.

Both dildos felt really soft and comfortable. I actually laid there for a while and was incredibly comfortable.

Verdict

I really enjoyed both dildos. Their texture and pliability is something I haven’t seen in a ton of other dildos. Maybe I won’t give up on them after all!

You can grab both the regular and the mini at Peepshow Toys.

Don’t forget – you can save 10% on Peepshow orders using the code CHRONIC. 

Stop Using Phobia When You Mean Bigotry

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Photo of a neon rainbow heart with multiple colors of text on the left: " phobia is ableist - being a bigot isn’t an illness - be a disability ally - use misia instead ”

TW ableist language, discussion of bigotry

When someone uses the term ‘transphobia,’ my little disabled nonbinary heart sinks. I know they mean well, but the unseen ableism in their sentences immediately makes me realize I’m not safe.

Let’s unpack that.

Phobia means fear. More specifically, a phobia is an anxiety condition.

Arachnophobia, for example, is a horrible fear of spiders. If someone has this phobia, they experience incredible fear. They might scream, cry, sweat, have a racing heartbeat, and more. Like with PTSD, this is a physiological reaction.

Unfortunately, many people equate bigoted remarks like hatred of trans people to these terrible and debilitating fears.

They are, in no way, related.

The word xenophobic – which is constantly used for those who prefer isolationist and white supremacist policies – is an actual real phobia. People with xenophobia have a terrible fear of strangers. That word isn’t inherently a sign of bigotry.

Using these terms as though they’re the same is not only rude as fuck but ableist. It belittles the fear people with phobias deal with as well as the lengths they try to go to in order to protect themselves.

People say that phobia has many meanings. While it’s true that it’s used differently in biology, for example, than towards humans, there is still harm in using phobia. Like with many ableist phrases and words, it builds on the harm caused to us over millennia of ableism.

But what else can we use?

Before we get into this, there are a few things to acknowledge. I recognize that there is a certain amount of privilege in learning these different terms. I am someone who is in a position to share this information with those who may not hear it otherwise.

What many people mean to say when they say transphobic is someone who hates trans people. So, let’s say that.

The suffix misia/misic is a great stand-in for phobia/phobic. It literally means hate.

Anti-X or ___antagonistic are great alternatives. They truly showcase someone’s sentiments because, in reality, these aren’t usually built on fear. They’re built in pseudo-patriotism, hatred, and religious bigotry.

I’m not the only disabled person fighting for this.

There’s a great quote in an Everyday Feminism piece on this topic from a few years ago: “The use of ‘-phobia’ as a suffix erodes the dictionary meaning of the word, but more importantly, it is one tool that helps society forget that phobias are real phenomena that affect real people every day, some of whom, like myself and my friends, are queer and trans.”

Let’s actively make the decision to be more linguistically precise as we choose less ableist and oppressive language.

Don’t Invalidate Someone’s Gender

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

black background with a maroon text box at the bottom; white text in the middle: " Don't Invalidate Someone's Gender " and at bottom " Chronic Sex "

I went to a munch a few weeks ago. There were a few things that bothered me. One thing I overheard still pops into my head from time to time:

“That doesn’t look very genderfluid to me.”

The fuck?

A group of a few people, including one of the munch runners, were huddled around a phone. While there was a lot of chatter, this one comment rose above the rest of the noise.

As the newbie, I already felt insecure. I dressed up a little bit which, for me, means also looking more femme. That’s what fits my body best right now. I don’t know who this comment was about. I know my Fetlife says I’m genderfluid, and I had RSVP’d on there.

Hearing this comment aimed at my physical direction hurt.

Every single time I fear I’m invalidating my gender by dressing a certain way, I hear their voice in my head. My gender dysphoria loves these kinds of comments. It latches onto them to invalidate every feel about myself that I have.

Let’s get this straight – while I don’t know if this was a comment about me, it’s still inappropriate. You don’t invalidate someone’s gender based on their gender expression. You don’t invalidate their gender, period.

Gender isn’t for you to judge

Genderfluid means different things to different people. For me, it’s about not being pinned down. I can be femme one day, masc another, and something completely different that third day. I’m neither a woman or a man – I’m just me. It’s about having control over how we’re perceived and how we display ourselves in a way that’s outside the binary.

Being more femme in certain instances or spaces doesn’t make me less genderfluid than someone else who uses that label. Our community is so used to getting shit on from the outside – why are we doing it to each other?

On top of that, the person I went to the munch to meet? He ignored me for a while. Then, he was very interested in being incredibly touchy without checking in about boundaries. After that, he freaked out at me for not messaging him by the next morning. Considering everything we have to fear from cis dudes, it’s completely turned me off of spending time with people I don’t really know.

It’s scary. This is why so many of us ghost people. If I stand up for myself here, I run the risk of being harmed.

Being a sex educator in these spaces is funky

It’s interesting moving through these spaces as a sex educator. I notice each boundary violation, each time someone looks uncomfortable, and each time someone is an asshole. I feel the sliminess in-person before I even get shitty messages afterward… messages that make me uncomfortable around cis dudes.

I’ll be honest – I’m grateful that I usually can’t make this munch. Between this dude being creepy touchy with me and these kinds of comments, it makes me wonder if I can even find a comfortable space locally. Can I find a queer, sex-positive, boundary-affirming space that isn’t full of toxic masculinity and ableism?

I feel so much more comfortable among my fellow sex educators.

It’s part of why I haven’t done much more locally. I’m so looking forward to Poly Dallas in July and being around my people. I know I’ll be seen as myself and won’t have to deal with so much judgment.

S2E10: Freddie Mercury, HIV/AIDS, and the Straightwashing of Queer Icons

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

two B&W photos of Freddie Mercury in white pants and a white tank top performing on stage against a white background: black text " Season 2 Episode 10 " above pics; below pics, multicolored and black text: " Freddie Mercury, HIV/AIDS, and the straightwashing of queer icons - Chronic Sex Podcast "

The trailer for the new Freddie Mercury biopic came out and I’m pissed – there’s no mention of his HIV/AIDS or his queerness. Let’s talk more about Freddie’s REAL life and how it weaves into the HIV/AIDS crisis.

TW death, queer erasure, queermisia

Make sure to check out the events tab on the FB page and support the show on Patreon

I Changed in November 2016 – And That’s Okay

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a person wearing jeans from legs down against a mountain backdrop with white text: " I Changed in November 2016 " and pink text " And That's Okay "

In the mornings, I go through and schedule social media posts. It isn’t every morning anymore – more like every couple – but it’s still a habit. It helps with gathering stuff up for LUOF, here, and more.

I had a lot on my mind this morning when I went to schedule. When I came across this piece, it really hit home.

https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/its-okay-to-change-after-a-difficult-thing-has-happened/

I’ve changed since the 2016 presidential election. I had to.

Right before the election, I came out about my gender and sexuality. I was so confident in myself and that things were changing for the better that I got cocky about showing the world more of my authentic self.

Some of the changes before the election were forced ones on my part. I wanted people to see me the same way they saw other patients or sex educators. I wanted my dad and his family to like me. It was clear to me that people didn’t want someone fighting for justice – they wanted someone who never got angry.

That whole time I tried to be chill and go with the flow for everyone else, I was struggling. My pain was so bad (not that it’s ever great). I felt like I had to become someone else to make others comfortable, just like I had done for my mother my whole life. Instead of being myself, I was hiding for the benefits of others.

The election

I spent the night of the election in bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Being a genderfluid/trans, pan/queer, disabled, abuse surviving sex educator – and being out about all of it – scared me. I wasn’t scared because of people I knew – yet – but those like You-Know-Who that refused to see me as a human being.

Then, of course, I learned about the views of people I thought I knew – that I thought were my friends. Instead of kindness, love, and compassion, I was met with hostility from people I would’ve done anything for. One friend acted like their queer and trans friends needed to grow up and stop whining. A few months later when You-Know-Who started seriously shit for my communities, that person reached out to apologize. I realized I didn’t need them in my life, especially when they misgender people and then get upset people don’t cut them slack years down the line.

Others quickly grew tired of me talking about privilege and justice. In trying to educate cishet people about what the rest of us face, I was somehow being ‘exclusionary.’ By trying to use my privileges to address racism, colorism, poverty, and more, I was apparently making people with the same privileges uncomfortable.

Moving on

I feared most the things that have come to pass. It’s been a fight to not be run over by this administration. To get shit from friends for being my authentic self is hard.

This stuff all hurts. It shreds my soul like its a soft cheese. On top of that, it’s exhausting to wake up ready to fight every single day. It’s draining and rough.

This has taken nearly two years to talk about it for a reason.

There’s a great quote that I try to remember when people tell me shitty things:

“When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”.

The white, middle-aged, middle-class, cishet patient advocates that get upset about me calling discrimination what it is have to learn to grow. They have to move past their privilege and into uncomfortable spaces. Instead of focusing only on advocacy for themselves and their condition(s), they need to see the benefits of activism and fighting for justice.

In the spirit of Audre Lorde, I am not free while any person is unfree, even when their shackles are very different from my own.

So, yeah, I’ve changed since the election

I have – for the better. Instead of keeping quiet about what bothers me, I speak up. I talk about being abused in the patient community and how upset it makes me that others refuse to address it. I point out when people are being bigoted or discriminatory in their views.

No one is perfect. I’m certainly not. I’m working on getting better about taking feedback. I wish I was better at it right now, but it’s a process. It’s not easy, especially when I had no foundation around handling emotions well. Of course, it doesn’t help that my depression and anxiety often manifest as anger.

As Tiffany points out in the piece above,

Getting through difficult things is by its nature – difficult. Changing is not a sign of weakness or flaw.

We shift, we change, we heal, we move on, we get stuck, we get stuck in the pursuit of moving on, we adapt, we falter… Making peace with yourself through all these journeys is so very important to loving yourself – to loving all of yourself.

Right now, I’m still working on change. And that’s okay.

Sexually Transmitted Infection Facts

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

a blue tinted background with black overlay and white text - " Sexually Transmitted Infection Facts " and " Chronic Sex "

Before we get started, let’s address the elephant in the room: STIs do not make someone dirty, gross, or inhuman. In fact…

I had Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) my freshman year of college. This is the first time I’ve told anyone other than the partner I had at the time and my current gyno… who I just told last year. I wasn’t the smartest person when it came to risk-aware sex and using barriers at the time.

I’ll go into why I didn’t talk about it before below. Instead of getting treatment for it, I scrapped off the warts which is as painful as it sounds. It hurt to pee for like a week because of the sting on all those small wounds. Even now, I will get itching around my labia where the HPV hit the most. I’ve never had another breakout and none of my pap smears have come back abnormal or showing signs of HPV. My gyno and I have decided the infection cleared up on its own, thankfully.

So, there you go. You know a vagina-owner who has dealt with HPV.

Heads up for hella gendered language in the references below. Apparently, the field of statistics isn’t aware of how gendering these statistics might be harmful. [insert eye roll here]

Barriers to Treatment

Access to Healthcare

One of the biggest barriers to getting diagnosed and treated for an STI is not having access to healthcare. This could be because of a lack of providers where someone lives, age, family or culture, finances, abuse, and a lot more.

Lack of Sexual Education

People might not realize that what’s going on with them isn’t normal. Thanks to the state of sexual education in most places, there are a lot of people who aren’t familiar with the ‘normal’ functions of their sexual organs, let alone are aware of what types of symptoms may be cause for concern. This is especially true in spaces like the Deep Southern United States where people don’t talk about HIV/AIDS but have some of the highest infection rates.

On top of that, most people do not have symptoms of STIs, especially during the early parts of infection.

Confidentiality

Many people may fear seeking medical attention due to concerns about privacy. Maybe someone with an STI is a minor who doesn’t want their parents to know they’re sexually active and can’t seek medical care without using their parents’ insurance. Perhaps someone is having an affair in a monogamous relationship and isn’t able to seek help.

Lack of Screening

For many people, there’s no automatic testing. Many penis-owners aren’t tested for some STIs due to the invasiveness of testing. Married people are assumed to be monogamous, meaning you have to ask for specific screening. On top of that, many health care providers aren’t aware of the need to test marginalized groups like trans women of color.

Stigma

Last but not least, the stigma is awful. People assume that you’re dirty, unclean, gross, an abomination, etc. There’s a lot of victim-blaming with anything around sex. Get pregnant? It’s your fault as the uterus-owner. Got HIV? It’s because you’re a slut. Infections happen and they’re just a part of life – some stay with your forever and others clear up.

For me, the stigma is what made it so that I didn’t talk about this for the last eleven years. I was worried about what exactly I had and what treatment would entail, especially since I didn’t have medical care at the time.

Statistics

According to the World Health Organization, more than ONE MILLION new STIs are acquired every day globally. Many people do not experience symptoms – or symptoms that are alarming – with STIs. That’s part of why testing is so integral to diagnosis and treatment.

Half of new STI cases happen in very young populations – 15-24. That same age group winds up with five times the rates of Chlamydia, four times the rate of Gonorrhea, and three times the rate of Syphilis as the general population.

Over three-quarters of women living with Chlamydia aren’t aware they have it. Did you know 35% of the Americans who have Herpes don’t know it? About 33% of people who have Syphilis aren’t aware of their status. One-fifth of all Americans with HIV/AIDS are unaware they have it.

Around 44% of the half million people living with HIV/AIDS are African American. Many statistics don’t even include race, socioeconomic status, location, or gender.

The Good News

Most STIs are fully curable – Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis are the main ones. Others include Trichomoniasis, Molluscum Contagiosum Virus, Mycoplasma Genitalium, Crabs, and Scabies. Note that scabies isn’t just an STI but a general transmittable parasite.

Antivirals can help treat and manage Herpes, Hepatitis B, and HIV/AIDS.

Vaccines exist to help protect you against Hepatitis B and HPV. HPV can cause genital warts, cancer, and fertility issues for people of any gender.

Barriers like internal condoms, external condoms, gloves, capes, finger cots, and dental dams can all reduce the risk of STI transmission. On top of that, HIV/AIDS can be prevented by using Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) or Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP). Learn more about those here.

Tips

Get tested regularly. All the time! Make sure to get tested between partners or before you couple up with someone new.

Be risk-aware and utilize barriers and treatments as needed.

Remember that being on immunosuppressants may increase your risk of snagging an STI. Even if it doesn’t, it can make the severity of any infections much worse.

References

  • https://www.stdtestexpress.com/std-facts/
  • http://www.who.int/en/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/sexually-transmitted-infections-(stis)
  • https://www.cdc.gov/std/hiv/stdfact-std-hiv.htm
Posted in STI

Is Integrity A Thing Anymore?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

cream background with red text: " Is Integrity A Thing Anymore? " and " Chronic Sex " to the left of a hand surrounded by a circle

Last year, I worked with Eventbrite on a post over on my muggle site. They reached back out to see if I would work with them on another thing this month. Instead of a happy email back, they got a note from me about how their recent TOS change harms sex workers. [Edit: they changed their guidelines (not TOS – oops) to exclude information related to sex and explicit things.]

Miss out on SESTA/FOSTA stuff? Click here.

Changes companies make matter. SESTA/FOSTA inspired changes have wound up leading to sex workers moving to street work – and several sex workers dying or being harmed by doing so. I can’t, in good conscience, work with companies that are okay with harming people – especially when sex work is one of the most accessible forms of work.

This brings up some feels I’m having around how much we promote companies or people when we don’t agree with their ethics.

I get so surprised when I see people happily working with entities that suck and go against a lot of what they do. I guess I shouldn’t be quite as surprised as I always am. After all, we live in a capitalist society. On top of that, it’s easy to rationalize that we need money over our integrity.

It reminds me of the situation with Tantus at Woodhull last year. The owner partook in gaslighting conference attendees over ableism. I was done. I canceled my affiliate account with them at the airport. Honestly, I don’t care if that means I missed out on making money.

Personally, it’s more important for me to help take a stand. I’d rather miss out on something because I give a shit than be rolling in the dough.

We all need to ask ourselves at what point we’re willing to put our integrity into question by working with questionable people in order to reach their audiences or make money, etc. Is it worth compromising our ethics?

If we say yes, where do we stop? It’s a slippery slope – “I’ll just write one post for X. It’s fine.” Pretty soon you become part of the establishment you’re fighting to dismantle.

Capitalism and compromising our values lead down some shit roads, fam.

There are better ways to reach people than to put up with abusers or unethical entities. Always.

We can do better.

We can always do better.

S2E9: It’s Arthritis Awareness Month!

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of pills on a book that says 'arthritis' with a teal text box with white and yellow text: " Season 2, Episode 9 S2E9: It's Arthritis Awareness Month! Chronic Sex "

TW: Medications, death, grieving, and I cry for like ten minutes. Yay?

I’ve talked a lot about arthritis. For nearly the last decade, it’s the bulk of the work I’ve done. On my other site, I’ve worked on not only talking about my own health but how we can improve healthcare systems. Today, though, let’s stick to arthritis facts since May is Arthritis Awareness Month.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go listen to Wine & Crime to cheer my sobbing ass up.

Arthritis links:

Come see me in Milwaukee on the 10th: https://www.toolshedtoys.com/class-hurts-so-good-how-pain-disorders-can-affect.html

Continue reading “S2E9: It’s Arthritis Awareness Month!” →