Kink & BDSM Archives - Chronic Sex

Participate in the International Kink Health Study

Posted on 13 June 202213 June 2022 by Grayson Schultz

The International Kink Health Study is now LIVE!

The International Kink Health Study (IKHS) is a research project about the physical and mental health, childhood experience, sexuality and healthcare of those around the world with recurring fantasies and practices that involve kink/BDSM/leather and fetish.

An expansion of our 2016 research survey, this study plans to invite participants to become part of a group of kink interested people from around the world. We will ask them to complete yearly surveys over a number of years. We hope that they will help us understand more about what it means to be kinky, about their health and wellbeing, their kink lives and pleasure, their relationships and roles, their injuries and their experiences of healing.

We are researchers with deep roots in the kink community and who want to make sure that this information benefits the kink community. Won’t you think about joining with us on our upcoming adventure?

Want to learn more, see if you’re eligible, or take the survey?
Pop over to the study’s website today.

Do you feel like you can talk to your HCPs about sex?

Posted on 8 October 20198 October 2019 by Grayson Schultz

Pals, I’m running research! Come help!

When we say ‘HCPs,’ we mean healthcare providers. This could be a physician, nurse, medical assistant, physical therapist, or another medical professional directly involved in your care.

square graphic with two people of color resting their foreheads together - text says 'research opportunity | Do you feel like you can talk to your HCPs about sex, gender, and sexuality? | bit.ly/HCPsexuality | orchidsresearch.org

This survey is to measure concerns, attitudes, and ideas you may have about the conversation between health care providers and patients on sex. This survey is for those in a patient role and is only opened to people 18 and older in the United States or the US territories.

The information you share will be used to create a comprehensive and accessible guide to help you and others navigate discussing sex with providers easier in the future. This guide will be free and available via a number of methods so that you can utilize the one most accessible to you.

The answers you provide will be anonymous and only utilized for research or education around the discussion of sexuality and gender within healthcare. The cumulative percentages for questions will be used in order to discuss and share information with others. No identifying information will be collected, but you will be asked a number of sensitive questions around sex, sexuality, and healthcare interactions.

What is involved in this research?

This study consists of a one-time online survey using Google Surveys. ORCHIDS – The Organization for Research of Chronic Illness, Disability, and Sexuality – is conducting this survey. You can learn more about our group at orchidsresearch.org.

It should take approximately 30-45 minutes to complete the survey.

Are there benefits to being in the study?

There is no direct benefit for you. By taking part in this survey, though, you may contribute to knowledge about talking with providers around sex and sexuality. This may be used in the future for medical education as well as presentations and other learning materials.

What are the possible risks of the study?

There are no physical risks associated with this study. There is the potential to relive difficult situations throughout the course of this survey. You may stop your participation in this study at any time by closing the survey.

As with anything online, there is a potential risk of loss of privacy. We will make every effort to keep your information private. Naturally, this cannot be guaranteed.

What are the costs and compensation?

There are neither costs nor compensation.

At the end of the survey, you will be given an additional link to put in your email address if you want to be among the first to access information about the guide we’re creating.

Who do I contact for questions?

If you have questions or concerns, please contact Kirsten Schultz. This can be done via email (kirsten -at- chronicsex.org).

Do you agree to participate in this study?

By clicking ‘next,’ you allow us to utilize your de-identified information in order to discuss issues related to sex and sexuality. This also allows us the ability to highlight the concerns you’ve shared in the final guide that will be created and available for free. You also certify that you are a person age 18 and over currently living in the United States or one of the US territories.

This survey will close on November 1, 2019.

If you’re interested, please note that you must live in the United States (or US territories – such as Puerto Rico or Guam) and be 18 years of age or older.

Ready? Let’s go! http://bit.ly/HCPsexuality

Pro Domme Research

Posted on 2 November 20187 November 2021 by Grayson Schultz

Grace, a Pro Domme in the Orlando area, is doing some exploratory research regarding the habits of clients who purchase the services of Pro Dommes.

She would like to use the information to help the industry at large, as very little research exists on the topic today. The survey functions to get some idea of how clients of different demographics find Pro Dommes.

At the end of the survey, it asks if you would like to participate in a more in-depth interview. Please fill out that portion if you would like to contribute to connecting more quality clients to Dommes that match their desires.

The information that you share here is private and will only be used for statistical analysis. If you choose to share your email, it will only be used to contact you for a more in-depth interview.

You can learn more here or take the survey here.

Survey on Chronic Pain & Kink

Posted on 9 October 20187 November 2021 by Grayson Schultz

sunny picture of a femme person in a field with an orange overlay and white text: Survey on Chronic Pain & Kink - Chronic Sex

Caroline Ballinger, a psychology student working in Dr. Karen Beale’s lab at Maryville College, is working on their senior thesis. They are researching the ways that people living with chronic pain cope and how that relates to their sexual behavior and satisfaction. This research survey has been approved by the Institutional Review Board and can only be taken by people who are 18 years old or older.

If you choose to participate, there is a link below that will take you to a 30-minute anonymous survey. You will be asked specific questions about sex and your chronic pain. Some of the questions are of a very sensitive nature, but please answer the questions as accurately and honestly as possible. If at any point during the survey you decide that you no longer want to participate, you can choose to stop taking the survey with no penalty.

If you would like more information about this topic, resources will be shared at the end of the survey, and you may contact Caroline Ballinger with any questions or comments, or you may contact her supervisor Dr. Karen Beale.

You can complete the survey here.

I took it and it was super easy. I hope you’ll consider taking it, too.

Your How-to Guide to Playing with a Disabled Kinkster

Posted on 24 September 20187 November 2021 by Grayson Schultz

More people living with chronic pain, illness, and disabilities are getting into kink and BDSM. There are so many reasons, ranging from relieving pain to owning our bodies to fun. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that half of all adult Americans have one or more chronic illnesses which could be disabling.

With so many people using kink with health issues, it’s important to be aware of the best practices for playing with people like me.

Read the full article on Kink Weekly.

BDSM Helps Me Manage My ADHD

Posted on 11 September 20186 September 2021 by Guest

a white person with brown hair and a white-out type of effect over their eyes with black text: "BDSM Helps Me Manage My ADHD" - middle bottom, white text "Chronic Sex"

In the kind of synchronicity that life throws sometimes throws at us, with in the same 12-month period I received a diagnosis of ADHD and both started and ended my first BDSM relationship with a Dominant partner. Coming in my early 40’s after a lifetime of underachievement in work and education, and overall bewilderment when it came to matters of the heart, the realisation that I was both kinky and neurodivergent has reshaped my life, and I’ve been fascinated to watch the interplay between the two.

Many people have stereotyped ideas about ADHD. The poster child for the condition will be a young boy who can’t keep still or quiet and has a surplus of energy, much to the irritation of those around him. The focus is very much still on the hyperactivity aspect, and less on the more internal aspects of the syndrome. It’s still less widely understood than it should be that ADHD is just as much about what’s going on inside as the behaviours that are visible externally.

As a young girl, I certainly didn’t fit the stereotype of the hyperactive Ritalin kid. I was talkative amongst friends but generally shy and dreamy. That tends to be the case with girls, which has led in the past to them being underdiagnosed in comparison to their male classmates. As I grew older, my difficulties in school led to patchy exam grades and dropping out of university. That was accompanied by depression, anxiety, disordered eating and eventually alcoholism – all of which are commonly co-morbid with ADHD.

Continue reading “BDSM Helps Me Manage My ADHD” →

SSC is Ableist – Let’s Use RACK Instead

Posted on 2 August 201810 September 2018 by Grayson Schultz

TW saneism, ableism

photo of a long haired person looking away from the camera with black text: SSC is Ableist - Let's Use RACK Instead and Chronic Sex

There is one well-known tenet in the BDSM and kink world – all parties must give consent. That said, there are a few different ideas around that consent. Two ways of talking about it are SSC and RACK. Today, we’re gonna look at both.

Definitions

Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC)

SSC is a long-standing term within kink communities. It means that acts should be safe, agreed to under a ‘sane’ frame of mind, and obviously should be consensual. The term came about in the early 1980s from the S&M scene’s David Stein.

Risk-Aware Consensual Kink

This term from the late 1990s came from Gary Switch who wanted to have a more fitting acronym for kink play. The idea of replacing safe with risk-aware acknowledges that safety is almost never ensured in anything we do. Instead, we should be aware of the risks before engaging in an activity. This is also why I’ve started to call ‘safe’ sex risk-aware sex instead. It’s just more accurate.

Other terms you might see:

Committed, Compassionate, Consensual (CCC)
Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK)
Communities may also have their own terms

Each of these alternate terms remove some of the stigma SSC was meant to fight without making false claims about safety. They also remove the ableist component present in SSC.

SSC is Ableist

I’m not sane. My depression, anxiety, and PTSD ensure that. There is no condition I will ever be in that makes me sane in body or mind. As someone who engages in kink to help my chronic pain and PTSD, I need a community that uses a more accurate and compassionate term.

I hesitate to think who I would be without my chronic pain or mental health issues. What I can say is I’d likely not be involved in kink. I’m definitely not alone in that.

We’ve all grown so much since SSC came about. Hell, I wasn’t even born! We should be growing the terms we use for our communities, too. In an age where we’re focused on highlighting marginalized voices, can we really afford alienating some because we don’t want to use a new term? I don’t think so.

BDSM-Kink Online Survey

Posted on 13 March 20187 November 2021 by Grayson Schultz

Do you have experience with BDSM/Kink sexuality (e.g., role play, bondage, dominance, discipline, S&M, eroticized pain and/or power play)?

Renae Mitchell and Charlene Muehlenhard at the University of Kansas are looking for volunteers to fill out an online survey about how people communicate in sexual encounters that involve BDSM/Kink sexuality.

They are looking for individuals

who are age 18 or over,
who have had at least two sexual encounters that involved BDSM/kink experiences and/or eroticized pain or power play, and
who are interested in filling out a short (less than 30-minute) anonymous online survey.

This study is being conducted as graduate student research at the University of Kansas and has been approved by the university’s institutional review board (IRB).

If you are interested in filling out a survey about your experiences with BDSM/Kink sexuality, click here.

Completion of the survey indicates your willingness to take part in this study and that you are at least 18 years old. If you have any additional questions about your rights as a research participant, you may call (785) 864-7429 or write the Human Subjects Committee Lawrence Campus (HSCL), University of Kansas, 2385 Irving Hill Road, Lawrence, Kansas 66045-7563, email irb@ku.edu. Additionally, you can reach Renae at rcmitchell@ku.edu or Charlene at charlene@ku.edu.

Yes/No/Maybe: Setting Sexual Boundaries

Posted on 11 January 201816 February 2018 by Grayson Schultz

photo of two people who appear to be POC - one femme and one masc - wearing dark shirts and holding a lit sparkler together in front of a lake; under photo with some overlap at bottom of photo is a reddish ragged text box with white cursive-like script "Yes/No/Maybe" - under this is a yellow text box with reddish text "SETTING SEXUAL BOUNDARIES" and "Chronic Sex"

One of the best facilitators for communication around sexual acts is a yes/no/maybe list. Essentially, this lays out a number of sexual acts as well as language around anatomy. You rank them and can discuss more with your partner.

There are so many versions of this list out there, and they all vary around different things. Some are kink-based while others are centered around polyamory, risk-aware sex practices, or other things. There are lists that give you ideas to rate and others that are blank. There is certainly value in both, depending on what you’re into.

Here are some of my favorite yes/no/maybe lists.

Bex over at Bex Talks Sex has one of my favorite lists. Like me, Bex organizes things with differences in color and text. They’ve got lists for sexual acts, kinky acts, language, and a really comprehensive list of things you can build your list from. There are more nuances in Bex’s categories, too – it’s not just a yes/no/maybe list. It’s a yes-into/yes-willing/maybe/soft-no/hard-no list. I think that fits real life a lot better. A person after my own heart, Bex has a downloadable PDF as well as an excel sheet.

That said, just because I nerd out over Bex’s list doesn’t mean it’s the right list for everyone.

Autostraddle has a great worksheet that also touches upon what lube ingredients you can/can’t/won’t use and a Venn diagram of sexy activities partners have in common.

Scarleteen’s list includes words and activities that can be triggering, relationship models, risk-aware sex practices, and even birth control. It’s a really great list, and I love just about everything on their site.

Poly Notes on Tumblr has a list that focuses on what activities are okay for people to do in non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships. They even suggest having a list that is for a couple to do together and a separate one for how comfortable they are with those actions involving other people.

Sunny Megatron also has a great list that showcases different activities. It is just a list of activities though, and you would need to create your own worksheet (or use another one listed here).

Each of these lists has great information and there are things on most of them that are unique.

Something to keep in mind is that these things change. Lists don’t have to be set in stone. It’s fine to alter them and even revisit them from time to time. I went through and used Bex’s template for mine and I feel like I have a better understanding of what my maybes and nos are specifically. I added a tab for activities with people other than my partner, triggers, and body/emotional boundaries.

That’s one thing I love about these lists – it’s incredibly easy to add or subtract things based on your lifestyle.

Flogging Ended My Year-Long Fibro Flare #KinkySexTips

Posted on 20 September 201716 February 2018 by Grayson Schultz

a photo of a flogger (mixed medium of fluffy pink-purple and black leather) curled up against a grey couch; text "Flogging Ended My Year-Long Fibro Flare #KinkySexTips"

I’ve always been intrigued by BDSM and kink. I recently wrote a post about how the scene can bring useful things to anyone, especially in illness spaces. Naturally, when I attended the University of Guelph Sexuality Conference back in June, I hung out in their BDSM exploratorium.

The exploratorium was a very safe and respectful space, open to newbies and advanced kinksters to learn more about various kinds of play. It was great to be able to test out things, figure out what I was interested in, and talk with others about how my chronic pain might change things up.

I tried low-temp wax play and decided it wasn’t for me. Next, I had the same reaction with electrical play/e-stim, though I think that’s because of how much I utilize my TENS unit. I watched some rope play and hands-only impact play (punching, spanking, etc). Both were interesting to observe and I definitely want to do more with rope play in the future.

One station was set up for sensation play. It was so interesting. Scratchy, soft, leather, rough, hard, hands – we played with a wide variety of sensations on my forearms. Aside from being pleasurable, it was cool to be so present in my body for a positive reason.

The station I enjoyed the most was set up for impact play using instruments like floggers and paddles. My first go in the room, I spent time watching and observing. The second time, though, I offered to be a tester.

I got hit with a paddle, whip, flogger, and canes. During the negotiation process, I agreed to be hit just about anywhere, but the focus was on my back, butt, hips, and thighs. I had a few good bruises that lasted for a few weeks.

At one point, the person flogging me heard me go “Oooh!” My favorite thing is that they checked in, as did others watching, to make sure that was a good reaction – and it was.

After the event was over, I noticed that my pain was gone. I figured it would come back later in the day… but it didn’t. Now, I live with chronic pain, so it’s not that I was completely pain-free. However, the pain in my shoulders and neck was gone. It stayed that way for about a week despite a 15-hour drive back home.

Even after, though, my fibromyalgia pain was gone. I had been dealing with a fibro flare up for around a year – probably more – and it was finally gone. My rheumatologist and I had tried a bunch of stuff to get it to leave, but everything was basically a temporary solution.

Kirsten (short dark hair and black top) looks at a poster in a doctor office of the human anatomy/muscular system

Hell, even acupuncture – which worked at first – had lost efficacy.

It’s been just over two months since then. Despite the fact that I’m struggling to get adequate pain control and medical care for other things, my fibro is still cleared up. I have moments where it acts up more, but without a full flare – and mostly without the allodynia that was taking over my life.

I mentioned it to my rheumatologist at our latest appointment and she was ecstatic. When I told her how, she was really intrigued. We believe that, somehow, the BDSM play helped to rejigger the pain messages my body was sending. Researchers believe that mixed up pain signals are what fibro essentially is, after all.

In fact, ORCHIDS is going to do some research on BDSM and chronic pain to see what we can find! Stay tuned!

I can’t say that this will work for other people. What I can say is that I wish I had tried it a lot sooner instead of dealing with untreated pain.

If you’re interested in exploring BDSM tools more, I highly suggest checking out the collection Peepshow Toys has. SheVibe has some great stuff, too. In addition to being affiliates of ours, their shops are also just amazing.

This post is a part of the Kinky Sex Tips Blogfest ’17 run by Mona Darling. Mona is a former dominatrix who does sexual coaching for women. Make sure you check out her site because she’s running an amazing giveaway associated with these posts right now that includes coaching and great gifts!

Chronic Sex

because sexuality doesn't depend on ability

Category: Kink & BDSM