Awareness Calendar for July

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

July is the awareness month for:

  • Cleft & Craniofacial issues
  • Cord Blood (esp. banking)
  • Eye Injury Prevention
  • Hemochromatosis Screening And Awareness Month
  • International Group B Strep Throat
  • Juvenile Arthritis
  • Minority Mental Health
  • Tickling!
  • UV Safety

Don’t forget these important awareness days, too:

  • Donate Life (8-21)
  • Heterochromia Day (12)
  • Social Media Giving Day (15)
  • Stress Down Day (24)
  • National African American Hepatitis C Action Day (25)
  • World Hepatitis Day (28)
  • World Day against Trafficking in Persons (30)
  • Orgasm Day (31)

Go forth and be awesome!

A Starter List of Genders & Gender Terms

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

a photo of a person in a grey sweatshirt laying down looking up at us as if we are the sky; a teal overlay is on the left with white text: " A Starter List of Genders & Gender Terms " and " Chronic Sex "; between both texts is a black genderqueer icon

Gender is a complicated topic. People who aren’t familiar with the history of gender aren’t usually aware of how many genders have existed throughout history in a variety of cultures. Instead, they claim things like only two genders exist or that trans people are inherently misogynistic.

Anyone who is anything other than men and women get side-eyes and judgment over acceptance and conversation. People don’t understand what it’s like to be non-binary or why we might use other pronouns.

First, some terms

A couple of terms that will be important to understanding gender overall:

AFAB: Assigned female at birth.

AMAB: Assigned male at birth.

Femme: This can be a short-hand for feminine. Femmes usually have a more feminine gender expression. A person of any gender can be femme.

Intersex: Someone who was born with a combination of male and female anatomy and/or chromosomes. The antonym for intersex is Dyadic: Someone who is not intersex.

Masc: This can be a short-hand for masculine or someone who has a more masculine gender expression. A person of any gender can be masc.

This is not to be confused with mask, which everyone should be wearing in the year of our lord 2020.

Gender expression: how someone expresses or performs their gender; includes hairstyle, clothing, and accessories.

 

Gender Terms

Agender or gender neutrois: Does not have a gender.

Androgynous: Appearing gender neutral.

Aporagender: A strong gender identity that is neither male nor female.

Bigender: Encompassing male and female gender identities. Ambigender is a similar term.

Butch: A more masculine gender expression from someone who is AFAB.

Cisgender: Someone who identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth.

Demigender: Non-binary but feeling that one is partly a certain gender.

Demiboy: Feeling partially like a boy.

Demigirl: Feeling partially like a girl.

Genderfluid: Someone who does not have a fixed gender, but feels as though their gender is a range.

Gender neutral: Someone who doesn’t feel as though they’re one gender or another. This can be a term applied to items as well, such as gender-neutral bathrooms, etc.

Gender non-conforming (GNC): Someone who doesn’t conform to societal gender ideas or the gender binary.

Genderqueer: Someone who is GNC and defies gender norms by identifying as no gender, bigender, or some combination or a variety of genders.

Intergender: An intersex-specific gender identity denoting a combination of masc/femme gender identities similar to genderqueer or androgynous.

Metrosexual: A cisgender man who pays more attention to his appearance. This term peaked in the early 2000’s and is now rarely used due to a growing understanding of various genders and gender roles.

Non-binary: Someone who does not fit into the gender binary.

Pangender: Being more than one gender, or being all genders.

What about transgender people?

Some people who aren’t cisgender feel comfortable using the label transgender. Not everyone does. That means that someone who is non-binary may not want to use trans terms for themselves. Please respect that.

Here are more trans-specific terms:

  • Transgender: Someone who was assigned a certain gender at birth but is not that gender; literally just the opposite of cisgender
    • Trans man: Someone who was assigned female at birth and is a man. This does not require any HRT or surgery. Additional terms include trans masc or FTM (female-to-male).
    • Trans woman: Someone who was assigned male at birth and is a woman. This does not require any HRT or surgery. Additional terms include trans femme or MTF (male-to-female).
  • Transitioning: The process of matching one’s body to one’s gender. The gender affirming process is often a long and difficult one. It is important to keep in mind that not everyone can or wants to undergo any or all of these steps.
    • Gender-affirming hormone treatment (HRT): Hormones are started to help the development of desired gender traits. This can include estrogen, antiandrogens, progesterone, testosterone, androgens, antiestrogens, and more.
    • Surgeries
      • Top surgery: Surgery to alter a person’s chest. Depending on the person’s gender, this can be breast augmentation, breast reduction, or a bilateral mastectomy and chest reconstruction.
      • Bottom surgery: There are a variety of surgeries that may be needed for bottom surgery. Patients may need a hysterectomy, bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy, vaginectomy, penectomy, and/or orchiectomy. A vaginoplasty creates a vagina and vulva from the patient’s penis and surrounding material. Surgeries that aid in the creation of a penis can include scrotoplasty, metoidioplasty, and phalloplasty.
      • Additional surgery: Surgery can be had to assist with the following: facial feminization, vocal feminization, tracheal shave, and buttock augmentation.

Additional terms

  • Cishet: Cisgender and heterosexual.
  • Cisheterosexism: The societal favoring of cisgender and heterosexual people.
  • Cissexism: The societal favoring of cisgender people.
  • Drag: People of one gender who dress up as another gender for performances.
  • Genderism: A belief in the gender binary or that there are only two genders.
  • Mx (mix): A gender-neutral replacement for Miss/Ms., Mister/Mr., or Misses/Mrs.
  • Stealth: Someone who is trans but not ‘out’ about their gender.
  • Transmisia: Bigotry or discrimination against transgender people.

Avoid these terms

(unless you’re personally reclaiming a slur or someone you know is and has okayed these terms to be used in reference to them)

  • Preferred pronouns: Pronouns aren’t preferred or optional. They’re required in respectful relationships.
  • Sodomite, deviant, diseased, perverted: These terms have been used to ‘other’ people under the LGBTQ+ umbrella for ages.
  • Transgendered: Transgender is a noun, not a verb. The correct term would be someone who is transgender.
  • Transgenders: This removes someone’s humanity. The correct term here would be transgender (or trans) people.
  • A transgender: This removes someone’s humanity. Use a transgender (or trans) person.
  • Tranny/trannie: A shortened form of transgender, generally used as a slur.
  • Transsexual: This is an outdated term for trans people.
  • Transvestite: An outdated term for a cross-dresser.
  • Sex change or pre-op/post-op: These phrases place the focus on the state of a person’s genitals, not their gender.
  • She-male, he-she, it: These phrases remove a person’s humanity.
  • Passing: Someone whose gender expression matches assumptions about what people of their gender look like. This is usually used to refer to someone who is transgender but can ‘pass’ as cisgender. Because of the harm of a focus on passing, this is not a favored term in non-cisgender circles.
  • Fooling/pretending/trap: This is often used when someone feels as though they’ve been fooled by someone of another gender (generally a transgender person). There are those whose transmisia runs deep enough that they believe trans people try to fool or trick them into relationships. No person pretends to be another gender for those reasons.
  • Non-females: This term is othering to trans and gender-expansive people. Additionally, female is a term for sex not gender. It should never be used, especially in spaces focused on equity.

Want to learn more about sexuality and attraction? Click here.

A Starter List of Attractions and Orientations

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

a photo of a rainbow assortment of straws against a black background with white text: " A Starter List of Attractions and Orientations " and " Chronic Sex "

With it being Pride month, I wanted to share something that I’ve been working on for a while – a list of attractions and orientations. This list is by no means meant to be exhaustive – more like a good start.

Did you know that there are actually several types of attraction? It’s true!

  • Aesthetic: attraction to one’s appearance.
  • Alterous: attraction that’s a mix between platonic and romantic; wanting emotional closeness.
  • Platonic: wanting a friendship with someone.
  • Romantic: wanting to have a romantic relationship with someone.
  • Sensual: wanting to engage in non-sexual closeness like cuddling.
  • Sexual: wanting to engage in sexual acts with someone.

This can all be used as suffixes to go along to share a variety of labels. As an example, I use pansexual or queer to label my sexuality – which could be labeled duosexual (defined below). Since writing this post, I’ve also shifted to being transmasculine and attracted far more to other masculine folks, so I also may use gay or androsexual to describe my sexuality. My romantic and sensual attraction labels are fairly similar to my sexuality label. Aesthetically, I’m attracted to androgynous looks (ninaesthetic) and very masculine looks (androaesthetic). I tend to be either panalterous and panplatonic.

 

Some quick terms

In order to understand some of the terms, you’ll need to know a few others.

Femme: a person who acts, dresses, or identifies as more feminine regardless of gender.

Masc: a person who acts, dresses, or identifies as more masculine regardless of gender.

 

Well-known(ish) labels

Heterosexual (straight): attracted to members of the ‘opposite’ sex (i.e., a man who is sexually attracted to women).

Asexual (ace): someone who does not feel attracted to others sexually and therefore is not generally interested in sexual relationships – this is a spectrum in and of itself, though, because this can range from those who are asexual and aromantic (see below) to those who are asexual but are demiromantic.

Aromantic (aro): someone who does not feel attracted to others romantically and therefore is not interested in romantic relationships with others.

Note: Aros and aces are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, period. Even if “hetero-leaning,” they do not meet societal expectations of how people are ‘supposed’ to engage in relationships. As such, they face a variety of violent actions and harm including corrective assault, etc. If you don’t include the ace and aro community in your activism, you’re exclusionary and actively causing harm to others.

Gay: men or masculine non-binary people attracted to men. This term can be used as a general term for those under the LGBTQ+ umbrella at times, with varying degrees of inclusion (e.g., ‘gay’ could refer to gay men/nonbinary folks, gays and lesbians, gays and lesbians and anyone experience same-gender attraction, etc.).

Lesbian: women or non-binary people who are attracted to women.

Queer: This is often used to describe a person who falls under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, regardless of their gender or orientation. It used to be a slur but has been reclaimed by people within the community. Still, that slur status stands, so please don’t use this to describe a patient unless they’ve signaled that they’re okay with it. Many LGBTQ+ people identify as queer which is partially a sociopolitical identification. A good example of this would be those who participated in the Stonewall Riots, Act Up!, or other LGBTQ+ activist events.

Bisexual: the more well-known term to say one is attracted to two or more genders.

Bicurious: someone who is curious about experiences with multiple genders.

Pansexual: think “I am attracted to everyone, regardless of their or my gender identity.”

The difference between bisexual and pansexual is that bi takes gender into consideration while pan does not. That’s literally the only difference. Neither is inherently transmisic or bimisic in design because they don’t mean the same thing.

Why do I use -misic/misia instead of -phobic/phobia? Learn more.

 

Orientations you may not know

I’ve used sexual as the suffix for many of these, even though you could use any of the attraction suffixes above.

Abrosexual: having a sexual orientation that can’t be pinned down in words due to it constantly changing.

Acorsexual: being sexually attracted to someone but unable to participate due to traumatic history or other reasons.

Aegosexual: having sexual attraction but only for situations you’re not participating in.

Aliquasexual: only feeling sexual attraction under certain circumstances.

Allosexual: Someone who experiences sexual attraction; the opposite of asexual.

Amorplatonic: Someone who experiences romantic attraction to others but prefers to be friends or engage in friends-with-benefits behavior over relationships.

Androsexual: Someone who is sexually attracted to people who present more masculine or males.

Apothisexual: being asexual specifically due to being repulsed by sex.

Arcsexual: averse, repulsed, and conflicted by sex.

Bellusromantic: being interested in romantic activities but not a romantic relationship.

Caedsexual: having felt sexual attraction in the past, but lost that attraction due to trauma.

Cassromantic: feeling indifferent to romantic relationships.

Ceasesexual: having sexual attraction but losing it for a time period.

Ceterosexual: someone who is attracted to non-binary and gender non-conforming people; skolio is another prefix for this, but it suggests some weirdness/ableism as it means bent or broken.

Cupiosexual: not feeling sexual attraction, but still wanting sexual experiences.

Demiromantic: someone who generally needs to have a very strong emotional connection to someone in order to feel attracted to them romantically.

Demisexual: someone who generally needs to have a very strong emotional connection to someone in order to feel attracted to them sexually.

Dreadsexual: someone who goes through periods of having sexual attraction or not having it – and having it brings anxiety.

Duosexual: using two or more attraction labels that you flip between (e.g., bisexual and pansexual).

Finsexual: sexual attraction to femmes.

Icularomantic: an aromantic person who is still open to having romantic relationships.

Kalosromanitc: desiring a romantic relationship but not being romantically attracted to anyone in specific categories.

Limnosexual: enjoying erotic art, but not participating in sexual acts.

Minsexual: sexual attraction to mascs.

Monosexual: Romantic or sexual attraction to only one gender.

Morphesexual: someone whose orientation changes based on the type of attraction and person it’s directed towards.

Neuplatonic: having friendship attraction to people who are genderless.

Neuroaromantic: wanting to be in a romantic relationship but being scared of it because of your mental health or neurodiversity.

Ninsexual: sexual attraction to androgynous people.

Novosexual: your sexuality changes with your gender.

Omnisexual: sexual attraction to all genders.

Penultiromantic: romantic attraction to every gender but your own.

Platoniromantic (Idemromantic): someone who doesn’t feel a difference between platonic and romantic attraction.

Polysexual: being sexually attracted to multiple but not all genders.

Pomosexual: identifying as not heterosexual, but not necessarily needing a specific label.

Quoisexual: feeling like sexual attraction doesn’t apply or make sense for you.

Reciprosensual: sensual attraction to someone only when they’ve shared their sensual attraction to you.

Requiesromantic: feeling too emotionally exhausted to experience romantic attraction.

Sansromantic: your romantic attraction just does what it does without any real trend or pattern.

Thymsexual: your sexual attraction depends on how you’re doing emotionally.

 

Relationship Types

In addition to the large variety of attraction types, there are different relationship types. Here are just a few examples.

Monogamous: someone who is in an exclusive one-on-one relationship.

Polyamorous: someone who is in a consensually non-monogamous relationship; this can also be called ethical non-monogamy; a lot of people use the short-hand ‘poly’ for this but that gets confusing when you note poly can be a suffix for both gender and attraction types – it also is the short-hand used for Polynesian people, and we shouldn’t be co-opting that. Forms of polyamory include:

  • An open relationship/marriage: partners are able to take on new sexual partners.
  • Polygamy: one person may have multiple spouses.
  • Mono/Polyam Relationship: one person in a relationship stays monogamous to their partner while their partner is non-monogamous.
  • Swinging: usually refers to people who have sex outside their marriage but don’t necessarily engage in multiple romantic relationships.
  • Bigamy: being married to two people at once; not legally recognized in most places.

This is just the tip of the non-monogamy iceberg. Stay tuned for more on this in the future.

 

Additional terms to know

  • Bimisia: Bigotry and discrimination against bisexual people. This is usually seen in how people label relationships of bisexual people (e.g., a bisexual woman dating another woman is often called a lesbian, but if she’s dating a man she’s called straight).
  • Closeted: Someone who has not disclosed their sexual orientation to others. Someone who isn’t ‘out’ about their sexual orientation (or gender).
  • Coming out: The process someone takes when they share their sexual orientation with others, either publicly or privately. This isn’t an all-or-nothing process – for example, someone can ‘come out’ to friends but stay closeted to their parents.
  • Heteronormativity: The societal assumption that every relationship will be heterosexual. This message is often sent to us in media we consume, such as ads or television shows featuring a large majority of heterosexual couples. This can also be called heterosexism.
  • Homomisia: Bigotry and discrimination against gay men and lesbians.
  • Outing: Sharing someone’s sexual orientation without their permission. This is generally used when someone is closeted, either in general or to whomever you out them.
  • Questioning: Someone who is unsure of or exploring their sexual orientation.

Avoid these

(unless you’re reclaiming them or someone else is and has said you can use these terms towards them)

  • Homosexual: This is an outdated and more medicalized term to describe gay and lesbian people.
  • Sexual preference: Sexual orientation is not a preference.
  • Preferred pronouns: Pronouns aren’t preferred or optional. They’re required in respectful relationships.
  • Fag, dyke, homo: Slurs for gay men, lesbians, and both, respectively.
  • Sodomite, deviant, diseased, perverted: These terms have been used to ‘other’ people under the LGBTQ+ umbrella for ages.

Wanna learn more about gender? Click here.

Queering the Crip Body on Monday the 25th

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Sins Invalid‘s Crip Bits series is back discussing Queering the Crip Body this Monday, June 25th, at 6:15 PM Pacific Time.

Here’s the description: Crip bodies challenge hetero-normative expectations of gender and sexuality, offering widely varying abilities and ways of showing beauty. Because of this challenge to straightness, our bodies are queer by nature, resisting the forced and tired extras of how we “should” represent our genders and our desires because we do not and cannot perform the artificial imaginings of binary gender.

It’s also live captioned! Click here to view that once the FB live video begins.

Make sure to follow their FB page to get the alert they’ve gone live or RSVP to the event page.

Masturbation, Chronic Illness, and Queerness video!

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Y’all, I’ve got a story to tell. It starts with me nerding over Eva from What Is My Body Doing? at the University of Guelph Sexuality Conference in 2017. The latest chapter ends with Eva releasing this pretty cool video of a recent convo.

She is the cutest! I am so incredibly happy to know Eva and to watch her come into her queerness.

Make sure to check out her other amazing videos on YouTube. If you like her stuff, support her on Patreon! Want to cruise her social? Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr (where you can ask her anonymous questions!).

Review: Bi Stronic Fusion

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a purple vibrating dildo with a butterfly shaped nub against grey sheets with black text: " Review: Bi Stronic Fusion " and " Chronic Sex "

Fun Factory gave me the Bi Stronic Fusion for free in exchange for an honest review.

The Stronic line from Fun Factory is supposed to deliver a hands-free experience. It’s a self-thrusting toy that vibrates internally, too. This could be a game changer for many people who need something hands-free. Did Bi Stronic Fusion deliver? First, let’s get into the basics.

The Basics

The Bi Stronic Fusion is about 8.5 inches long and 1.5 inches wide. There’s a butterfly-like shaped dongle that’s meant to stimulate the clitoris.

It’s safe for butt play. You can use it underwater and get it as wet as you like. Like many Fun Factory toys, it’s rechargeable. Of course, it’s body-safe as well – this particular model is made of silicone with a plastic handle where the charging port and controls are.

A Word of Warning

The thrusting comes from using magnets. As such, this isn’t a safe toy for pacemaker owners. While they didn’t go through this in any promotional material, I would assume this could be uncomfortable for those with genital piercings or hip replacements, too.

Testing

I’ve had this toy for a few months. Honestly, I wanted to love it so I kept putting off writing a review. I hate to say it, but I wound up disappointed.

One thing I noticed that’s neither a pro or a con – because the toy thrusts, you need to use more lubrication than you might with a non-thrusting toy. Don’t learn it the hard way like I did, folx.

There are 64 different combinations of vibrations. With that many options, it’s actually hard to find the two settings I enjoyed – especially if using it at the same time. With only the two control buttons, there’s no good way of finding the setting aside from going through them all. If there were fewer settings, this toy would probably be more enjoyable. In fact, the few Fun Factory toys I dislike usually come from having too many options.

The clitoris nub was not well placed. If I wanted clitoral stimulation, I had to bend the nub which rendered the hands-free claim incorrect.

As for wanting to love a hands-free toy… this isn’t hands-free. Self-thrusting or self-pulsating, sure, but you do need something to stop it from sliding away. Could you use your thigh muscles instead of your hands? Sure. That’s still not something that’s accessible to people I thought might be able to benefit from this toy.

I try to test in so many conditions. In every single one of them, I wished this toy did more.

Verdict

I love Fun Factory as a company, but a lot of their toys wind up hit or miss for me. The Bi Stronic Fusion was, sadly, a miss.

Telling Me To Reach Out Is Condescending

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

TW for suicide, mental health struggles, abuse

With recent high-profile suicides, people are talking about being a beacon to reach out to. While I know they mean well, the reality is that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll save lives. In fact, for some of us, it feels unintentionally condescending.

This goes double if you’re posting voice numbers for suicide hotlines. Please make sure that, if you’re going to post that info, you’re including text crisis and TTY lines, too.

I’ve been mentally ill for nearly three decades now. It took me way too long to figure out the patterns in my own life. From November to April, my depression is bad. I’ll have days here and there that are great, but the bulk of it is hard. I’m sure it doesn’t help that my physical issues ramp up then, too.

When someone tells me I can reach out to them, it’s a nice gesture. However, it doesn’t address the parts of me that constantly feel like I’m a burden. It doesn’t help me actually feel comfortable reaching out, even to the closest of friends or family.

What I really need is for those beacons of permission to reach out to me, to check in on me.

That’s not easy, especially since I have phone anxiety. When any kind of anxiety and depression get together, it can make it nearly impossible to reach out. The two work together – sometimes with my PTSD – to remind me of all the things I’ve said and done that were harmful to others. This horrible trio reminds me that I have to keep quiet, that telling others what I’m going through isn’t okay.

My history of abuse and neglect – and being threatened to stay quiet – tell me I can’t speak.

I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us have been through horrible things that we can’t talk about to everyday people. No one wants to hear about the whippings, being locked in rooms, or other things.

What to do instead

If you want someone to feel comfortable speaking to you about struggling, there are so many ways of showing it.

  • Reaching out on social media if you see we’re having a rough time
  • Developing a close relationship
  • Sending us funny stories
  • Texting us silly videos
  • Be accountability partners
  • Check in on us

Those are just a few ideas. They won’t work for every single person.

If you want to make a difference to more people, consider helping us fight for a better mental health care system or to keep the ACA. Join us when we sign petitions or protest, putting our bodies on the line. Show up for us in more ways than just the intimately personal ones.

Because honestly? The best way to help me with my mental health is to help me fight the shit coming down the pipeline.

Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1.2: The GP’s Office & IUD Visit

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

In my post yesterday, I talked about coming out to my GP’s office.

My IUD appointment was… it went as well as it could go. I’m still unpacking my feels around that and will post them in the future.

After inserting my IUD, the PA asked what pronouns I use. She mentioned that there was a new spot in our EHR to add those in. While she was doing that, she asked about my orientation and if I wanted that noted.

Since she was adding things – and in the interest of being forthcoming – I mentioned that we are moving towards nonmonogamy. I also stated I hadn’t had any new partners as of yet, though.

Now everyone in one of my health systems will be able to see these identities in my chart. It’s nice to not have the pressure of specifically coming out to each provider, but I’m also guessing I’ll have to update people. This also doesn’t cover the people in the other health system that I see.

The PA was super affirming, and I’m grateful that she’s aware of what’s going on. She also does a ton of work with advocating for the LGBT+ community within our larger healthcare community. It’ll be really nice to continue to develop a relationship with her and see what I can help with, too.

Stonewall Inn Doesn’t Know the ADA

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

This week, they turned away a blind person with their service dog.

The manager was cavalier about it. They were adamant that there was some sort of documentation required.

There isn’t.

Thankfully, a friend with them recorded a video of the ordeal. You can catch a transcript here.

Help me tell Stonewall Inn that they need to get their ish together.

https://youtu.be/jllzH3XPIlE

Update: Them put up a story about this as well.

Final update: As of June 9th,  Stonewall finally provided a meaningful statement to yours truly. They’ve apologized and will be offering an ADA training for bars and clubs in the area. They are going to have the disability rights lawyer they’re working with go over a variety of accessibility issues with them. They’re also going to make donations via their charity to a disability org. They didn’t tell me what, if anything, would go on with manager Mike… which I’m still not pleased about… I’m still going to be keeping an eye on them. This isn’t the first story of discrimination, and I doubt it’ll be the last.

Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1: The GP’s Office

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of pride rainbow colored construction paper in the background with a black transparent text box and white text: " Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1: The GP's Office " and " Chronic Sex "

Today – actually, literally right as this gets posted – I’ll be getting an IUD placed. You’re probably wondering how I got here.

The hubs and I have known for a while that we didn’t want kids.  I’ve known this for a long time. Despite knowing this, my GP had expressed concerns over making any large decisions about my reproductive system.

Fast forward a year and a half later, and my migraines are running rampant. I know that taking estrogen every single day – as a part of taking continuous birth control – isn’t helping. I also know regularly having periods is not an option for me. My arthritic hands don’t handle them well. My pain levels go through the roof. It’s not a good thing.

Cue finally making an appointment with my GP’s PA to talk about other options.

Hubs had the day off so I brought him with because, sometimes, it helps me feel braver. It’s really easy for me to drop things and lose my resolve sometimes.

I knew that I would likely need to come out about my genderfluidity.

Yes, that’s right, me – a patient activist and sex toy tester – had not come out to them yet. I haven’t come out to any HCP about any of my identities, aside from being a sex educator. They have a lot to catch up on.

Instead of trying to hide it as I might have in the past, I was upfront. I said, in different words, that “I’m genderfluid and struggle with dysphoria. While I want to limit my migraine potential – and dysphoria – by removing extra estrogen, I also don’t want children.”

While the MA didn’t seem to necessarily enjoy hearing about me coming out, I’m grateful that the PA did. She happened to be wearing a Pride-colored Staff of Asclepius on her coat, which I didn’t notice until about halfway through the appointment.

In the end, we decided that the best options were either to get a hysterectomy or an IUD. Since we can treat the IUD as a stepping stone – because I can always have them steal my uterus later – it just made sense to try that first. I’m getting Liletta which is similar to Mirena.

As things move along, my goal will be to go through the coming out process each of my identities to each of my HCPs. They need that information to be able to treat me most effectively. I recognize the privilege I have to be able to go through the coming out process… but also recognize the fear and stigma that kept me quiet for so long. Hopefully, by documenting both getting an IUD and coming out, I can help erase some of those barriers for others.

I really hope I’m able to be brave during this appointment and let them know about recent decisions around nonmonogamy, too.